First Minister Jack McConnell was presenting the prize to Catriona Watt, Young Traditional Musician of the Year, on Radio Scotland when he revealed that he had to leave his accordion behind when he left Arran to go to university. How lucky his student pals must now feel.

It reminds us of the old gag: why do politicians make good accordionists? Because they are used to playing both ends off against the middle.

We were told once by a chap who struggled learning the accordion: "All it was good for was teaching me how to fold a map."


Amazing Gracie
OUR story about the computer spellchecker coming up with Jesus being betrayed for 30 pieces of liver, reminds BBC Scotland's home and social affairs correspondent, Reevel Alderson, that before computers, copytakers at news organisations were creating similar faux pas. His favourite was the story about a grey seal cull. The BBC copytaker typed that the Secretary of State for Scotland had given the go-ahead for a Gracie Fields cull on Orkney.


Strife of Brian
IT sounds a bit like a Spartacus moment, but after the suggestion that Strathclyde fire boss Brian Sweeney locked himself and a party of visitors on the balcony at brigade's technical rescue centre, his public relations boss, Alan Forbes, steps forward to say it was, in fact, he who trapped the folk on the balcony. And there you were wondering what folk in public relations do.


Testing time WE fear the cynicism of one woman who was asked by her anxious pal if there were any exercises she should do to prepare herself for her first mammogram.

"Open your fridge door," her pal told her. "And put one of your boobs in before slamming it shut. Then lean on the door and hold the position for 10 seconds."

She was joking, wasn't she?


Picture this NEVER could see the point in mobile phones that take pictures but we do now after watching in awe as a woman took off her glasses to try on pairs of sunglasses. The only problem being that as she was shortsighted she wasn't entirely sure what she looked like in the sunnies. So she then took a picture of herself with her camera phone, popped her specs back on and examined the result. Sorted.


Wrong way
DO WE believe the chap in the pub who was telling his mates about being stopped by the police while speeding? He claimed he pulled over when the flashing light went on behind him, put his window down and then the officer asked him: "I suppose you know why I'm stopping you?"

In a mad moment of optimism he replied: "Are you looking for directions by any chance?"


Sleeping partner
THE dirty tricks have already begun in the American presidential campaign where an erroneous story was circulated claiming that Democrat hopeful Senator Barack Obama had spent his youth in an Islamic religious school. Next it will be Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton's turn, says our Washington correspondent, with allegations that she once slept with Bill Clinton.