I can't sleep, can't eat - and other lyrics from Robert Palmer songs - and the reason? On Boxing Day GHK will play Glasgow Academicals.

Now, both teams are in the Glasgow and district league's third division, where the Accies sit top and GHK are in second place. It's back to traditional rugby.

According to a mole, the sides will be bolstered by their Super Team players from the Glasgow Caledonians and lads from the Hawks as well.

Accies have invited Glenn Metcalfe, Aaron Collins, and Gordon McKay and hope to field Torquil Mathewson, Kevin Horton and Chas Afuakwah. Stuart Simmers, of the new Sports Warehouse, Calum MacGregor and Andy Sturgess may come out of retirement.

GHK will have ringers from Gordon McIlwham, the Wallace brothers, Andy Ness, Scott

Hutton, Chris Docherty, Cammy Little, David Wilson and Gerry Hawkes, with George Breckenridge and Harry Bassi from the past.

There are to be games at three levels on Boxing Day, with the bar opening at 11 in the morning - heaven forfend - and tickets at #3 for adults and 50p for children. See you there. Should be some crowd.

qJust a wee idea for youse all here. Wouldn't it be a good idea if the SRU were to let kids into Murrayfield for, say, the Italian match, at a reduced rate? A really reduced rate?

The Italians will be hard opposition, and a big house at Murrayfield is needed, and one way of doing that would be to let kids in for a very token amount.

That is different from giving tickets away free to adults.

qIt was the BBC sports department night out during the week, and what a fun evening it happened to be.

At the pre outing drinks party - all fresh orange and canapes you understand - we were shocked to see that a certain Edwina Currie was there.

There we were, mingling with top radio film girl Siobhan Synot, afternoon presenter Iain ''Chalkie'' Anderson, and Steve ''Porsche'' Samson who has just vacated the slot before mine of a Saturday morning on Radio Scotland.

Anyway, Murdo McLeod and youthful football pundit Chick Young tried to entice Currie, the writer of cabinet bodice rippers and also Radio 5, presenter to

join us for the evening, but she

said she was otherwise engaged.

''But,'' continued Chick, ''We've got something that you lot didn't have just over a year ago.''

''And what's that?'' asked Edwina, the former MP.

''A party!'' said Chick, with the kind of triumphalism not normally associated with the levelheaded reporting for which the sports department is more usually famed.

qWhat's in a name anyway? John Inverdale was on the Fred MacAuley programme earlier in the week and said that there was a delicate balance to be had between the Scots and the English, and mentioned that he had been dug in the ribs during the sports review of the year every time a Scottish sports person was described as ''British''.

His assailant, he said, was BBC Scotland telly girl Jill Lambert. Now, there is no Jill Lambert, and so this was actually Jill Douglas, daughter of the famous Hawick man Henry Douglas, singer and Borders farmer. Jill fronts the rugby on telly.

Luckily Jill does not have a

massive ego needing deflated. However, there I was talking with Iain Anderson at the aforementioned drinks party when I was introduced by one of his chums to a rather stunning looking red-head.

''This,'' said Chalkie's chum motioning at me, ''is Brian Beattie!'' Brian Beattie? I popped, became deflated, and flew out the window in a rage, only to bump into Edwina


qJust some quick congratulations to Drymen rugby club, who arranged a special rugby speaker's evening.

The trouble was that they forgot to ask any rugby speakers in time, with Shade Munro turning the chance to speak to them down at the last minute, and had to invite former football ref Brian McGinlay to do the honours. Talk about running with the wrong shaped ball.

qAnd finally, what good chaps they have at Helensburgh rugby club.

Or so it would seem anyway with their players preferring to have red hot visa cards, and red hot love lives, to white hot breaks upon the rugby pitch.

Spies at Whitecraigs rugby club, in Whitecraigs actually, say that Helensburgh called off their game a week ago. The reason?

Because they had several of their players down for Christmas shopping with their wives or girlfriends and so unavailable.

Yes, I can see that one sticking at Ibrox.