Banned Brothers

"This compromise could involve separate, suitably ventilated areas for smokers or, ideally, a system whereby the individual proprietor is allowed to decide whether smoking is allowed or not. With modern ventilation technology removing 99.7% of chemicals, the air in the smoking areas will actually be cleaner than that in the other parts of the pub."

Carroll says that without a compromise, the Scottish pub and leisure trade faces a lingering death. He owns the Vogue bingo hall in Lanark, and in the first year of the ban, saw his income decline by 50%. "Another year like the last will put me out of business," he says.

"The Executive claim they are making Scotland a healthier place. But tobacco sales are up 6% since the ban. Sales of alcohol in off-licences are up 18%. People are smoking and drinking more, imprisoned in their own homes. How is that making Scotland a healthier place?"

The Publican Party has been campaigning in the fertile territory of Scotland's bars, bingo halls, and clubs. The biggest response has been in Fife, where many traditional working-class social clubs have been badly hit by the ban.

The party are confident that Ian Robertson, their candidate for Mid Scotland and Fife, will be returned. If the smoker backlash is sufficient, Robertson could be joined by at least one of the other four candidates: Carroll, Kit Fraser in Central, John Stewart in Highlands, or Eddie Douthwaite in Lothians. In Lothians, the smokers' slogan could well be "For a dowt, vote Douthwaite", but fortunately it isn't.

AS representatives of a single-issue party, Publican MSPs would have plenty of time on their hands when parliament was not debating smoking. I asked Carroll if this meant they could pop out for a sly cigarette. Probably not, he said, and certainly not in the case of Robertson, who is a non-smoker.

"We will remain a single-issue campaign until we get some success on a compromise on smoking. After that, we could well turn our attention to other issues, such as the failure of the government to tackle drug addiction. Addicts are provided with methadone, needles, everything but the drugs. Meanwhile, consumption of a legal product, sold over the counter and taxed at 80%, is banned."

One policy the Publican Party shares with Jack McConnell is the need to promote a multicultural society. Carroll has been working with a campaign to lift the ban on smoking shisha pipes.

"Gathering in a café to share a shisha pipe is an important part of the social life of people from Arab or other middle eastern cultures. It's not even all that unhealthy, since the tobacco has zero tar and very low nicotine. But the shisha tradition has been swept away just like that of the Scottish pub."

There is a distinct possibility that Alistair McConnachie, the Independent Green Voice candidate, might get elected on the Glasgow list. At least, that is what he thinks. He stood in the 2003 election in Glasgow Kelvin and attracted 1300 votes, 6% of the total. He says he needs just 5.6% of the region votes this time around to get one of the additional seats in Glasgow.

This would quite an achievement for a man who was expelled from the UK Independence Party for extremism, which would be like being flung oot the SS for cruelty. At least, this is what some mainstream Greens are putting about.

McConnachie denies this story of expulsion and we are happy to relate his version. He was not expelled from UKIP. His membership was simply "not renewed" by the party after he wrote letters to the press on matters relating to the Holocaust.

If you are a Glasgow voter, please bear in mind that McConnachie was not expelled from UKIP for supporting the views of author David Irving on the Holocaust. There was merely a "non-renewal" of his membership for supporting Irving's right to express the opinion that the Holocaust was not as bad as people make out.

McConnachie, a dapper-looking law student, is founder, leader and only candidate of Independent Green Voice. He has no shortage of policies in his manifesto, which you can access on sovereignty.org.uk.

Sovereignty is a monthly magazine on "self-determination" which McConnachie has edited and published for eight years. His other publication, Prosperity, is "dedicated to freedom from debt slavery worldwide".

For a Green, McConnachie takes the unusual stance that climate change and global warming might not actually exist. Among the plethora of policy, McConnachie pledges money reform, food and water sovereignty, democracy not plutocracy, no foreign wars (and presumably no civil wars) and an end to huge banking profits.

On health, he has a policy described intriguingly as "Delivering thinness in a modern Scotland". McConnachie admits the title is not entirely serious, but he does propose legislation to make calorie warnings compulsory on bottles and cans of alcohol.

THE Scottish Enterprise Party appears to be an SNP for pukka folk. Or for people who have the initials FSA Scot after their names. Ian Brodie of Falsyde, FSA Scot, is standing in the Highlands and Dr Ian Hume, FSA Scot, in Lothian. You might be forgiven for thinking the SEP is the political wing of the Society of Antiquaries of Scotland, or FSA Scot as it is known. Their third candidate is just plain Bob Ingram, standing against Alex Salmond in Gordon and on the North-East Scotland list.

The SEP has a long, not to say long-winded, list of policies on its website. I would summarise them for you. But the site is full of CAPITAL LETTERS and bold type and exclamation!!! marks!!! It's all done in eye-watering bright blue colours, and I kind of lost the will to live less than half-way through.

Last week: Greens and pleasant land