NICOLA Sturgeon may have been unhappy during the day at SNP conference, amid swipes at her snail-borne plans for Indyref2, but at least she could escape at night. We hear the FM stayed at the achingly hip Radisson Red, where her top floor suite had a pool table, “love yourself lighting” and a 55” TV on which to watch herself. The blurb also boasts the room has a “fun atmosphere”. Well, it did before Angus MacNeil started talking about the Jacobites…

NOT staying next door to the conference venue in such palatial style was Humza Yousaf. Indeed, the Justice Secretary arrived almost half an hour late for one breakfast fringe because of a troubled commute. But he did have an excuse ready. The former transport minister was able to gleefully blame his successor in the job, Michael Matheson. Handy.

HUMZA also managed a zinger against the fringe’s host, the Scottish Police Federation. The coppers’ union usually ambushes justice secretaries at these events, but decided to lay off Mr Yousaf after getting a 6.5% pay rise. “It’s no less than they deserve,” he told them. “It’s less than we deserve,” joked SPF general secretary Calum Steele. At which Mr Yousaf shot back: “That means your negotiating skills aren’t very good then.” Ooft. Truncheoned.

THE Justice Secretary went on to recount his curious upbringing. While his mother was a Labour supporter, his dad was the first non-white member of the SNP. “My dad would have the SNP poster upstairs, my mum would have the Labour poster downstairs.” Was there a LibDem one in the middle? asked the chair. “There was no LibDem poster in the house,” Mr Yousaf deadpanned. “The only place you’d find a LibDem poster would be on the fence.”

THERE were more revelations at a fringe held by the SNP Socialists. One of the audience said she was trying to get her partner to join the party. “That’s what we call horizontal recruitment,” said Glasgow councillor Graham Campbell from the chair, “I was recruited by Anne.” At which a mortified Anne McLaughlin, the former MP for Glasgow North East, exclaimed: “Graham!” It certainly puts those 100,000 new members in a different light.

AT the same event, Chris Stephens, MP for Glasgow South West, revealed he was a student of Game of Thrones. “The Scottish Tories answer to Ramsay Bolton,” he said, referring to one of the TV show’s most repellent psychopaths. “Ross Thomson not only looks like him but acts like him. The eyes bulging, the veins sticking out the neck as ‘SNP’ leaves his lips.” Mr Thomson, the Brexiter MP for Aberdeen South, is an obsessive dog owner. Perhaps Mr Stephens was trying to warn him? Ramsay Bolton, after all, was eaten by his hounds.

HOLYROOD’S annual Festival of Politics concludes today with a potentially fascinating session with Anas Sarwar. The Labour MSP recently discovered he’d been sacked from the shadow health portfolio by reading about in on Twitter. By exquisite coincidence, he is due to take part in a discussion on “Politics and Social Media”, and how Twitter affects democracy. His unique insights will no doubt have Richard Leonard hanging over his phone for updates.