HE came to praise Caesar, not to bury her. The Scottish Tories have a new leader while Ruth Davidson is on maternity leave, and Jackson Carlaw quickly made an impression.
Granted, the impression was of a terrified sook, but he did it with a certain aplomb.
With his ruddy complexion and gummy bear physique, Mr Carlaw has the rouged and padded look of a Regency fop.
At FMQs, we saw he also has the dancing chops of a born courtier as he led Ms Sturgeon in a dainty minuet aimed at staying out of trouble.
In particular, to avoid any subject, any word, the FM could use to pivot to Michelle Ballantyne, the Tory welfare spokeswoman with a dim view of proletarian procreation.
“I begin by stating what a privilege and a delight it is to stand here,” said Mr Carlaw.
“I look forward to our weekly exchange of pleasantries over the next few months. I actually quite like the First Minister. However, I am sure that neither of us will allow that weakness on my part to stand in the way of robust exchange.”
He then asked about a medical scandal no one could possibly disagree about.
Ms Sturgeon studied her opponent with the patience and purpose of a hawk.
“I’m not sure whether I’m expected to reciprocate all the nice things Jackson Carlaw said to me at this stage,” she said, “so I will just gloss over that for the moment.”
In other words, you may have escaped me today, but next time your carcass is mine.
Richard Leonard fluffed his attack on the NHS with some dodgy arithmetic, but Willie Rennie got under Ms Sturgeon’s skin quicker than a hypodermic by asking about her infamous 12-week treatment time guarantee.
This is ‘legally binding’ except, it seems, on the NHS.
Ms Sturgeon’s law has been broken 100,000 times since she introduced it in 2012.
“If a member of the public were to break the law that many times, they would serve time in Barlinnie,” he scoffed.
“Willie Rennie always manages to let himself down on serious issues,” the FM flapped as the laughter rang round the chamber.
It was true the guarantee had “not been adhered to” a bit, she said, but 1.6m patients had been treated on time..
“Oh, that’s all right then,” came a taunt, and the FM suffered a rare wobble.
‘Barlinnie?’ said her furious look, ‘I want that LibDem in Shawshank by sundown.’
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