Going with The Flo
SEEMS to be hotting up on the Brexit front. The old Ukip leader Nigel Farage remonstrated that it was "the worst deal in history". However a Glasgow football fan phones to tell us: "Surely he hasn't forgotten about Rangers signing Tore Andre Flo for £12m?"
And a bit harsh is Andy Gilder who senses some obfuscation from Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and opines: "Someone tell him Brexit is a Mossad plot designed to harm the Palestinians. It's the only way you'll get The Jezza's attention."
What a bunch
TO cheer us up, we wandered into remarks by children, and retired teacher Margaret Thomson passes on: "Years ago I was taking my primary two class in after playtime. I noticed that wee Jim was still carrying his play-piece, a banana. I asked why he hadn't eaten it, and he said, 'Please, miss, I couldn't get its trousers down'."
A bit flushed
WE asked about laughs in the courtroom and a lawyer tells us: "Years ago there was a case at Kilmarnock Sheriff Court with multiple accused and therefore multiple lawyers. One lawyer stood up and asked, as the witness in court had nothing to do with his client, if he could be excused to go to the toilet. When the Sheriff nodded his agreement a second lawyer jumped up and asked, 'Can I be associated with my learned friend's motion?' It amused us all."
Mother tongue
SOMEHOW we wandered into New Zealand accents, and taking a different tack, Moira Love says: "A few years ago on the Inter-Islander ferry from the North to South Islands, we tore ourselves away from the beautiful scenery to go below to the restaurant for coffees and Lamingtons. We were served by a Maori who would have been perfect for the All Blacks haka.
"As we blethered he asked, 'Do you come from Duntocher by any chance? You speak just like my mother-in-law'."
Skint
TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from John Darby who says: "Went to a plastic surgeon and said I needed to talk to someone about making some changes to my nose. He replied, 'OK, I'm all ears.' So I said I would try someone else then."
Well plaid
WHO knew that mentioning John Barrowman sitting on someone's head while wearing a kilt would spark a memory. But as Stewart Logan tells us: "Many years ago I was climbing Curved Ridge on Buachaille Etive Mor. I was wearing the kilt and a friend was following close behind. I inadvertently took a wrong line up the ridge and had to reverse a move. 'Christ, the lights have gone out' was the muffled comment from behind as my friend’s head was enveloped by my kilt."
Ash dash
PROBABLY not the first minister that this has happened to, but the Rev Richard Coles confessed yesterday: "A career first: I went to the wrong crematorium. And never has a speeding ticket been more righteously won."
Light bulb moment
THIS will cheer you up or make you sad. As Matthew McCloy spotted on Monday: "Flat on Anniesland Road with the Christmas lights up already. Man, what’s the world coming to?"
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel