OUR tales of Glasgow's tardy journey towards sophistication reminds Douglas Hutchison in Kilcreggan: "When I moved back to Scotland with my English wife she needed some fish stock, and headed to our local fishmonger and asked if they sold tins of stock. He gave her a quizzical look, and disappeared out back. A few minutes later he reappeared with the ugliest monkfish head ever seen, slapped it on the counter and announced, 'Boil that with a bay leaf and you’ll be fine'.

"I think she’s secretly thrilled that Waitrose has now opened close by."

Stop the bus

WELL done First Bus in Glasgow caring about the environment by introducing new low-emission buses on their network which use "start-stop" technology, temporarily switching off the engine when it comes to a stop. This though is most disconcerting to older bus passengers who remember when a dying bus engine meant everyone getting off and having to wait for the next bus. Which is why, as Ross Allan tells us: "My mum is a frequent traveller on the First Bus network. She was most amused when the driver of one such bus, when the engine 'expired', shouted out from his cabin every now and again to worried passengers, 'Nae worries, we’re still working'."

Hand it to him

WE mentioned the cute things children say and a Glasgow grandfather tells us: "I was impressed when my little grandson, as I watched him at the sink, told me, 'You don't wash your hands. You just watch your hands wash each other'."

Midget gem

THE Herald news story about the old Devil's Elbow switchback on the road to the Cairngorms reminds Sandy Tuckerman: "Before the hairpins were straightened out most cars were rear-wheel drive and 4x4s were restricted to farmers. On our regular trips to the ski slopes at Glenshee the road was often blocked by cars getting stuck on the twisty turns of the Elbow. One weekend there was a couple in an MG Midget with its small luggage rack strapped onto the boot. One of our crew helped by standing on the rear bumper to add some weight at the back. The wee car suddenly got traction and shot off with the driver giving us a cheery wave – leaving our man standing in the middle of the road with the luggage rack and suitcase in hand."

Drink spiked

AH, public transport at this time of year. Nicki on social media declares: "You don’t know what fun is until you’ve witnessed a drunk on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train screaming, 'Ah hate hedgehogs – come at me ya jabby wee ****' while angrily circling a hairbrush that’s been dropped on the floor."

Yellow peril

READER Niall muses: "I notice all the Paris rioters are wearing high visibility vests. It's Health and Safety gone mad I tell ye."

Height of nonsense

FLEXIBLE ages of children, continued. Says Jennifer Dick: "My great-nephew, when aged seven, was very tall for his age. His two older sisters took him to two events stressing beforehand, 'Remember if anyone asks your age, tell them you are 12'. Some time later they took him to another event, and were highly amused when their bewildered brother asked anxiously, 'What age am I now?'"


AN anxious reader emails: "Can anyone remember what was on the news or what politicians did before Brexit?"

And another contacts us to make the point: "He sees you when you're sleepin'. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good'.

Sounds like Santa’s on Twitter."