A Glasgow carol

WE mentioned singing in George Square and it reminds Eric Hudson, late of STV's religious department, of a live Christmas Eve Watchnight service televised from the square. Says Eric: "Despite warnings that the imbibers would ruin it, we went ahead, with no trouble. TV presenter Larry Marshall was standing near a group of revellers who began singing football songs. Larry asked them not to do that and allow people to sing their carols.

"One of them said, 'Aw right, Mr Marshall. We'll be quiet'. When another started a song his mate told him, 'Will you listen tae whit Mr Marshall said?' and his pal memorably replied, 'We're tryin' tae sing Away in an F****** Manger.' Cue carols and Christmas joy."

Bone to pick

SO another tale I promised about the legendary, and grumpy, press photographer Jack Middleton. An old colleague once told me that he was covering a press conference with Jack which featured that great singer Kiki Dee who was coming to Glasgow. There were snacks afterwards, but Jack felt the promised alcohol was slow in coming. He collapsed to the carpet in The Hilton Hotel, clutching his throat and croaking: "Chicken bone! Chicken bone!" A worried water ran over and asked if he wanted some water. "No, wine," said Jack. When the puzzled waiter brought a glass over, Jack thanked him, stood up, and quietly gulped the wine.

Oh burger

GREAT programme about Billy Connolly on the telly the other week. Reader George Anderson in Newtonmore tells us: "Years ago I was at Peebles in the local Wimpy. Billy came in and sat at the next table with his road crew of one. I think he was doing a grand tour of the Borders. After perusing the menu for a few minutes he observed, 'Brunchburger! That would make a great swearword'."

Entitled

LINGUISTIC mix-ups in Scotland, continued. Says Ethel Fitzgerald: "Walking along the beach road near Monreith with my then school pal long ago, we two met some of my distant English relations and passed the time of day. 'And what does your father do?' asks my father’s cousin of my friend. 'He’s the county surveyor,' Alison replied. There was a pause. 'The Countess of where?'"

Glass act

"HAVE you seen my glasses?" is a sentence repeated in many homes, but now it's being uttered at Glasgow city centre brasserie La Bonne Auberge. The eatery expanded its gin menu before Christmas and ordered over 80 large bulbous glasses with the La Bonne Auberge name and waiter logo printed on them. They now have only 16 left. Manager Marc Jones has declared a January glass amnesty if anyone has a crisis of conscience and wants to return a glass that might have gone home with them, no questions asked.

Pass on that

WELL, how was your day yesterday? For many people it was their first day back at work since before Christmas. As a reader tells us: "Or as I like to call it, it was Trying to Remember Your Work Passwords Day." So did anyone enjoy the first day back?

Legging it

OUR stories about Scots struggling with diets remind Ian Craig in Strathaven: "At an occupational medical examination, I was told by the doctor that I should lose three stone. I replied, 'Fine, which leg needs to come off?'"

Well, well

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from a reader who emails: "My friend keeps saying, 'Cheer up, it could be worse – you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water'. I know he means well."