On the ledge

GREAT to see BBC Scotland showing the Auchinleck Talbot v Ayr United cup game on the telly, especially as Auchinleck won. It was also interesting to note as the cameras panned around the compact stadium that the ground is in the middle of a housing scheme. As one Ayrshire reader noted: "Only in Auchinleck would the folk be watching the game from their house windows when the game is on the telly."

Burning remark

AS Burns Night approaches we hear from Dundee where former MP Jim McGovern gave the Toast to the Lassies at the local Labour Party Burns Supper. His wife Norma gave the reply with the great opening line: "When I realised I was speaking right after Jim, I thought, 'Jim is used to public speaking, he'll be a hard act to follow.' Thankfully I was wrong!"

And our story about the Rev James Currie being known as The Thief of Bad Gags for copying down lines from other Burns Supper speakers reminds Ian Young: "As an inveterate note taker myself, when attending dinners, of other speakers' jokes for my later use, I have long been aware of the possible admonition from the top table speaker of, 'Am I speaking slowly enough for you?'. To fend this off, I have developed my own ready response of, 'Oh, I'm not writing them down, I'm ticking them off'."

Driving at

WHAT'S the latest on Brexit, dare we ask. TV reporter Matt Frei reveals: "Overheard in Berlin bakery, 'Brexit is like a 97-year-old Royal behind the wheel. You know it's a bad idea, but are too polite to stop it."

And as someone else commented: "Theresa May - the kind of negotiator to come out of DFS with a full priced sofa."

Hard to swallow

OUR hospital stories remind Eric MacDonald: "A friend unfortunately in hospital on New Year's Day was visited by his daughter who brought him in a pre-mixed gin and tonic to celebrate. The mixture was poured into a clear plastic cup and he was enjoying the tipple. Half way though his drink a nurse came into the room and spotted the cup. She picked it up and poured the contents down the sink, saying, 'I’ll just get you some fresh cold water' Silence!"

Sining feeling

THE Herald on Sunday feature about how invigorating it is to swim in cold water reminds us of the yarn: "My husband lost two stones swimming last month," said the woman in the wine bar. "I knew I should have tied them around his neck better."

Bin there

RAISING children, continued. A reader passes on a comment from a female friend: "I told my children that occasionally I need some 'Me time' when they should leave me alone. I didn't realise they would make it happen when the bins need taken out, when the table needs set, and when the shopping has to be brought in from the car."

And as writer Stephanie Ortiz remarked the other day: "Two hours ago I asked one of my teens to move wet laundry into the dryer. I now see that I should’ve specified that the dryer should be turned on. On the bright side, looks like one less college tuition to afford."

Rings a bell

AND a female reader tells us: "It's pretty obvious that car designers are all men. Why isn't there a button on the dashboard you can press for 'It's only some shopping bags for God's sake' when the fasten seatbelt pinger goes off."

Light bulb moment

MORE on growing old, as Ronnie McLean tells us: "It's a bit upsetting that the new LED light bulbs I bought have, on paper, a better life-expectancy than my demographic profile."