Dog's life
OUR stories suggesting that teenagers don't always think things through reminds a reader in Strathaven: "My wife asked our eldest to come home from school during the lunch break and let the dog out. Wife duly returned home later in the afternoon to discover dog in the garden and back door left wide open. Lesson learned re being more specific with instructions."
And another reader says he was pleased when his young son asked one day: "Can I make you a cup of coffee?" He was less sure when he then asked: "Do you want it decapitated?"
She's toast
OUR final week of Burns Supper stories as entertainer Andy Cameron recalls: "Many years ago at a Burns Supper in an Ayrshire miners' club the chairman announced after the loyal toast, 'The Queen is drunk, you may now smoke', and he may also be the chap who informed the audience that 'the haggis was tonight piped in by Pipe Major Robert McGillycuddy, and tomorrow will be piped out by Armitage Shanks'."
Got the picture
WE mentioned the number of locals who were watching the Auchinleck Talbot v Ayr United Scottish Cup tie from their bedroom windows overlooking the ground even though it was live on BBC Scotland. An Ayrshire reader gets in touch with the explanation: "Just been told the reason was they thought the satellite dish for beaming the game live was in fact the television detector van."
Dishing it up
OH, and if we were suggesting that teenagers are not always the most helpful, we should also acknowledge that husbands can sometimes fall into that category. As a reader emails to tell us: "My husband texted me to let me know that he had emptied the dishwasher while I was out. Calm down, pet, if I texted every task I did, it would be a novel."
THOSE WERE THE DAYS – 1950: Trees take root at city schools
Steak out
GLASGOW is the second unhealthiest city in the UK new research announced yesterday, with 58% of Glaswegians saying their lifestyles could lead to an early grave. It reminds us of a Glasgow reader who explained to us: "You stand in the queue at Greggs admiring all the healthy salad options, low calorie juices, fruit, yoghurts, spring water, and when they shout 'Next!' for some unexplainable reason you spurt forth with 'a steak bake, a packet ah cheese an' onion, an' a can ah Irn-Bru'."
And a Glasgow reader once heard a young woman in a coffee shop queue tell her pal: "I don't know whether I should have a cake as well." And her pal replied: "You're married now. You can eat whatever you want."
Flight of fancy
NEWS reports said that Miles Richie, the model son of singer Lionel Richie, was arrested by police at London Heathrow Airport after becoming agitated when he was not allowed on a flight, and then claiming there was a bomb in his bag. More than one reader contacts us to ask: "Did you not wonder, when he was approached by the police, if he asked them, 'Hello, is it me you're looking for?'"
Bowling along
SCOTS stand-up Scott Agnew commented yesterday: "Just heard this on BBC 2, 'It's the World Indoor Bowls Final – if you don't enjoy this you won't enjoy anything.' I'm clearly doomed to a life of misery."
Acting up
SOME entertainment commentators have been arguing that only gay men should play the parts of leading gay men in films. Writer Darren Connell takes it a stage further when he reads that X Files actress Gillian Anderson is to play Margaret Thatcher in the next series of The Crown by claiming: "I find it really offensive that Gillian Anderson is going to play Margaret Thatcher – she’s taking away a job from actors who are actually deranged and heartless."
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