WHAT happened last week in the great Brexit bourach? I pay acute attention to all this stuff, day after blessed day, and I’m still not entirely clear.

I could give you a pious expression of naive hope. Tell you that there’s going to be a referendum on Brexit, that the ERG are back in their box, Jezza has finally come good, and Theresa May has been put in a secure unit. But I can’t in all honesty agree with commentators, like the blessed Polly Toynbee, who believe we are now on the road to redemption.

Yes, Labour did repeat its promise to hold a referendum if Jeremy Corbyn’s “workable plan” of a permanent customs union is rejected – as it was in one of last week’s many meaningless votes. Oh, and Labour will support a referendum if there is no General Election. And if a no deal/Tory deal looks likely. If, if, if.

But if Labour really wanted to eliminate the threat of no deal, it would have moved heaven and earth to deliver the SNP’s motion calling for precisely that.

Looking back on this dismal week, the standout, surely, is the arrant insanity of Parliament – a rational body of elected representatives – failing to take the opportunity to rule out an event which would put the army on the streets, interrupt food and medicine supplies, and cause the loss of tens of thousands of jobs.

Yes, the Yvette Cooper/Oliver Letwin amendment (they’re Labour and Tory MPs respectively) was endorsed by Parliament overwhelmingly, after Theresa May gave it the nod. This means that there will be an extension to Article 50 if Parliament doesn’t support a deal by March 12. Well and good. If there’s one thing the UK Parliament is supremely good at it’s failing to agree.

It doesn’t like May’s botched deal, the Norway option, EFTA or any other solution that Brussels thinks acceptable. So that means an extension is inevitable. Except that the French president Emmanuel Macron and the Brussels negotiator, Michel Barnier, have made clear that the 27 countries of the EU (which have to unanimously agree any extension of Article 50), will only contemplate delaying Britain’s departure from the EU if it is for “a purpose”. Holding more meaningless votes, staging more ministerial resignations and arguing on College Green outside Parliament do not, one suspects, constitute a legitimate purpose.

Still, everyone seems convinced that an extension is in the bag. This led to largely unwarranted excitement on the Remain side. With Labour calling for a People’s Vote (sort of) and Theresa May’s deadline finally breached, Twitter went into orbit. Lord Adonis all but declared victory in the Battle of Brexit. Europhiles were dancing in the streets, metaphorically at least, and jeering at the nasty Brexiters who had been defeated by the forces of good. It was like the last reel of Lord of the Rings.

But such triumphalism was premature. Much as I wish it were the case, there is still no majority in Parliament for a referendum. Stephen K Bush, the political editor of the New Statesman, has been counting them out and counting them back in again and he is adamant that the Labour Brexit rebels will prevent any motion for a referendum passing through Parliament. He says at least 40 Labour MPs are opposed. He’s right.

“Rebels” here is something of a misnomer since there is widespread belief that Brexit is the outcome desired by their leader. Indeed, on one interpretation of last week’s events, Jeremy Corbyn has managed to find a way to secure Brexit while also appearing to support a referendum. This is because what is called the Kyle Wilson amendment.

This cross-party proposal, which Labour is minded to support on March 12, calls for MPs to agree to Theresa May’s deal (or abstain), but only on the condition that there is a referendum to validate it. Bingo. Labour can tell all its working-class Brexit supporters in target marginals that, yes, it didn’t block Brexit. But Jeremy can also curry favour with the Remainiacs of Islington by appearing to support a People’s Vote.

It’s very clever, but to my mind somewhat bonkers. Why would Labour help pass Theresa May’s deal, which Jeremy Corbyn has said is worse than no deal, would lose thousands of jobs and would lock the UK into a backstop from which it cannot escape? At least this is what he has said repeatedly in the Commons.

Surely, a vote is a vote. Theresa May could legitimately say that her deal has been endorsed by Parliament, and call on Labour to campaign for it in any referendum. Not that she has the slightest intention of calling a referendum.

Theresa May’s strategy is the same as it ever was: not listening, nothing has changed, take it or leave it. It pains me to say it, but the Prime Minister at least has a strategy. It is to run down the clock, while allowing the various tribes in Parliament and in her Cabinet, to fall out among themselves.

It’s working. Labour is moving ever more in the direction of her deal, however much they may deny it. Parliament can’t agree on anything.

There are tears in Cabinet and more resignations – 12 from the Government so far. But who’s counting? The European Research Group – that comically misnamed faction of extreme Brexiters – has reportedly split over William Rees-Mogg’s equivocation on the Irish backstop.

It is averred that the member for the 18th century is now prepared to accept the backstop, provided it is temporary. This in order to facilitate Boris Johnson’s rise to the leadership of the party. Vote May; get Boris.

And while all about is chaos and acrimony, so ticks away the clock until Brexit day. Twenty-eight days at the time of writing. Goodness me, is that really the time? Yes it is. As in the film of the same name, the zombies are stirring.

I accept that is an offensive way to describe Nigel Farage’s “Brexit Betrayal” march from Sunderland to London. But it could get nasty on the road.

What do I think will happen in the end? As I’ve been saying in this column since Christmas, I think Parliament will block a no-deal Brexit. There will be an extension of Article 50, and Labour will probably end up backing May’s deal, or abstaining on it which amounts to the same thing.

If Labour, by some remote chance, continues to reject May’s deal or its variants, in the meaningful vote on the inglorious twelfth, then I think MPs would still reject a referendum. There is still no majority for one, and Labour’s die-hard Brexiters are not for turning.

Which makes the most likely option – about the only one Theresa May can authorise as PM under her prerogative powers – would be to revoke Article 50. Pull the plug. End it.

OK, so that’s wishful thinking on my part. Her Government would fall and precipitate an election. But looking at the chaos that is Brexit, and the lack of time, it seems as good a shout as any, especially if Brussels reject a meaningless extension.

If Britain can’t decide how to leave the EU, an extension to Article 50 would be pointless. The sensible thing to do would be to cancel Brexit, go away, and think again.