In at deep end

THE news story in The Herald about a drunk having to call the police after falling asleep in a Greenock pub toilet and being locked in, reminded George Dale in Beith: "When I was 23 I attended a stag night and we ended up in a Chinese restaurant near Charing Cross. I went to the toilet and I, too, fell asleep on the throne. On awakening a long time later I started to vacate the facility and could not understand why one leg was lower and wetter than the other as I progressed out to a locked, dark restaurant.

"A startled staff member, sleeping on a row of chairs, jumped up, frightened me near to death and let me out. The reason for the odd walking experience was the floor level urinal trough."


GREAT to see John Byrne's classic series Tutti Frutti, about The Majestics band, on the new BBC Scotland channel. We remember when National Theatre of Scotland director Vicky Featherstone adapted it for the theatre and she gushed in The Stage magazine: "To me the Majestics are representative of a certain kind of working-class Scottish male, and the question is whether or not they're going to be able to reinvent themselves into a new kind of male in the 1980s."

When The Stage asked writer John Byrne what he thought of Vicky's adaptation he replied: "I was delighted and surprised – especially when she told me what it was really about. I had no idea."

Switched on

ON the topic of TV licences, Neil Shepherd in Orkney tells us: "While a student in Aberdeen halls, a friend received a warning phone call from the downstairs neighbour that the inspector was on his way up. The TV was quickly hidden in a cupboard and the inspector was shown around a room where all the furniture was facing an empty table in the corner with a TV-shaped square surrounded by dust.

He nodded then moved onto the next flat."

Hard to swallow

PARENTING, continued. Says a Hyndland reader: "My daughter offered me a bit of her chocolate bar. I was surprised as she's not much of a sharer. Just as I was chewing away her brother came storming in demanding to know where his chocolate bar was, and giving me a hurtful look when he saw me chewing.

His sister will go far."

Name calling

AH, the minefield of married life. A Lanarkshire reader is still shaking his head over a recent conversation with his better half which went: "What's the name of, what do you call him, his brother?"

His response: "Who?" brought the reply: "You know, thingummy!" And thus the conversation ended, with him none the wiser.

What a knight

STORIES about how pupils address their teachers reminded Barham Brummage: "I was in a music lesson where the teacher was a fairly intimidating chap. As he read out the register one young lad was left out and he put up a tentative hand. 'What's your name, son?' enquired the teacher.

Desiring to show due respect, the boy blurted out, 'Sir, Angus'. Needless to say we all, including the music teacher, referred to him thereafter as Sir Angus."

X marks spot

WE asked about sneaking into adult films when young and Derek Miller in Torrance recalls: "As teenagers in East Kilbride in the early 1980s, a group of us got excited with an afternoon showing of a sleazy ‘adult’ double bill at a town centre cinema so we duly dogged off school and went along.

"When the lights went up, I turned around sheepishly to be greeted by leering grins from half the senior male intake of our school. Thankfully, there were no teachers in attendance."

Drink to that

WE mentioned Wetherspoons’ boss Tim Martin being keen on Brexit and a Glasgow reader says: “Surely the reason he is so keen on Brexit is that, as a multiple pub owner, he knows full well that the entire population will either be celebrating or drowning their sorrows after Brexit in his pubs?"