Write on

IT was sad news when gifted Scots author William McIlvanney died. We remembered Willie telling an audience at the Glasgow Film Theatre that he got one of his few negative reviews when he was walking down the road in Glasgow and "a big guy walking down the other side shouted, 'McIlvanney, who told you you could effin' write?' And I shouted back, 'Probably the same person who told you you could effin' read', and I hastened on, because he was a large fellow.”

Hand it to him

AUTHOR Bernard MacLaverty has the craggy looks of a man who earns his living from heavy toil rather than from tapping on a keyboard. It probably explains why, at his first book-launch in his native Belfast during troubling sectarian times, he was sitting at a table near the door in order to sign copies of his book, but women entering the store automatically opened their handbags in front of him, assuming he was working security.

At first he tried to explain he was an author, but their disbelieving looks made it easier for him simply to rummage through the bags before nodding them in.

Boxing clever

AUTHOR Meg Henderson, whose moving novel The Holy City is centred on the Clydebank Blitz, once told us that at a book signing a woman told her that her dead husband, from Clydebank, would have loved to have met her. She then added: "In fact, Ah was getting ready, and Ah thought, 'Ah'll take him up anyway!' " and out of her message bag she produced a box containing her husband's ashes.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS - 1960: Mr Stirrat drums up pupils’ interest in music

An age thing

WE liked crusty old author Frederick Forsyth explaining that when he finished writing his memoir The Outsider he thought to himself: "Who have I insulted? Who might sue?" The then 77-year-old was relieved to conclude that "there were only two left alive”.

Creaky

OUR old chum Val McDermid, arguably Britain's leading thriller author, once explained to fans at the Edinburgh International Book Festival that readers these days expected a bit of character development in a series of books. As she put it: "In the Golden Age it didn't really matter what order you read Miss Marple in – the only thing that happens is Miss Marple's arthritis gets a bit worse.”

Ring to it

AYRSHIRE'S Andrew O'Hagan once told his audience at the Edinburgh Book Festival that his late father was joking with him right up to his death. Recalled Andrew: "He said I had lied on Radio 4. 'You told them we had no books in our house when you were growing up. That isnae true. There was one. It was green. It sat on top of the fridge.' 'That was the Kilmarnock Telephone Directory,' I said. 'It doesn't count’."

Pottering

HARRY Potter author JK Rowling annoyed a few right-wingers in America by describing Donald Trump as a racist. One American contacted her on social media to say he would now burn his Harry Potter books and DVDs. Joanne merely replied: "Well, the fumes from the DVDs might be toxic and I've still got your money, so by all means borrow my lighter.”

Dog's life

WE liked author Aaron Gillies's observation: "The best thing in the world is dogs with human names. A woman on my train was screaming, 'Stop it, Norman! You never do this at home!’"

Bottoms up

OUR story about Glasgow crime writer Alex Gray's new novel reminds us of previous author tales in The Diary, including Glasgow-born author Ryan O'Neill, now in Australia, who told us: "I've been in Australia about 13 years, but as Australians never tire of telling me, I still have my Glaswegian accent.

"In a shop the assistant asked me, 'Anything else?' and I said, 'No thanks, that's all'. After we walked out, my friend who was with me said in a shocked voice, 'Why did you call him an asshole?’"

THOSE WERE THE DAYS - 1980: The Alpha robot with flashing lights and Dalek-like voice