WE need to talk about pornography. I’d bet that all men use, or have used, pornography– and many women use pornography as well.

However, this isn’t a discussion about the rights and wrongs of producing and consuming pornography – although that’s a subject both worthy of, and demanding, considerable debate. What needs to be discussed immediately, though, is the type of extreme pornography that’s being produced primarily for men to consume today, and is freely available on the internet for anyone – including children.

Yesterday should have seen the introduction of age verification in the UK for anyone wishing to access pornography. The Government, however, postponed the plan, which would have meant consumers needing to prove they are 18 before viewing pornography, as it failed to get the right procedures in place.

For the record, I’m no Puritan, far from it. I don’t believe in banning material – unless it breaks the law – and when it comes to pornography I feel that if the performers are happy and consenting adults, and the consumers are happy and consenting adults, then it’s not for anyone to interfere in the lifestyle choices and sexual preferences of others.

The problem is that not all consumers are consenting adults. Pornography websites are just two clicks away for any child with access to a computer.

We need to be clear about the type of pornography that’s out there which curious children are accessing. Some years ago, I was working on a documentary about extreme pornography. I consider myself relatively shock-proof, but the level of degradation, brutality and violence in a lot of the pornography being made had a profound effect on my thinking.

I found it abhorrent that a young boy or girl, exploring their sexuality for the first time, could stumble upon sites where sex seems to revolve around women being choked, beaten, spat on and routinely humiliated. I wondered what effect this melding of sex and violence might have had on me as a young man. Would I have grown up respecting women? Or would this have left a germ of misogyny in me?

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When I was a teenager growing up in the 1980s, most young men were first exposed to pornography through Playboy or Page Three. Even what passed for hardcore pornography back then was primarily just people having sex with other people.

Two points need to be made here: firstly, just because pornography is relatively “tame” that doesn’t preclude it from objectifying women, with all the concomitant problems that brings with it, from rape culture and harassment, to body shaming and casual sexism.

Secondly, just because some pornography is considered “hardcore” doesn’t mean that those taking part in it are not enjoying it, or that a consenting adult should be prevented from watching it. As long as that “consenting adult” marker is met all round, then no-one should bring their judgment into another person’s bedroom. What’s tame for one person, might be extreme for another, and vice versa. When it comes to sex between consenting adults no-one should judge.

However, this discussion about the rights and wrongs of pornography is entirely academic when it comes to the fact that children and teenagers can access extreme material. I’m not one for moral panics about the young – mostly, such panics are inspired by adults who know nothing about the lives that the young lead.

Nevertheless, the easy availability of extreme pornography online does appear to be creating problems for the young. There’s a rise in impotence among young men. It’s been surmised that if a young man has spent a lot of his teens watching extreme sex acts – that few would ever engage in – then he may be simply unable to perform in what many would describe as an “average relationship” with a partner. Young women are also reporting that they are being pressurised into sex acts they are uncomfortable with by their male partners. We’re still unclear about the connection between the increasingly extreme pornography online and sexual offences. What can be said is that the type of pornography I’m describing here is inherently misogynistic and cannot help to improve the way many men see women in society.

So there is a need to make sure that this material is kept solely to the domain of consenting adults – to think otherwise is negligent. We don’t let children drink vodka straight from the bottle, after all. So why let children stumble on to pornographic material that could be deeply disturbing for them at a time when they should be working out their own sexuality confidently and safely?

It’s therefore disappointing that the Government delayed – for a second time – introducing age verification for pornography sites in the UK. The law was first passed as part of the 2017 Digital Economy Act and was initially meant to be in place in April 2018. The Government maintains it wants to get the policy right before implementing it.

There are concerns that the way the Government plans to roll-out age verification could lead to a “privacy disaster”. The problem is that the Government isn’t providing age verification software by the state – it’s relying on the porn industry to verify a user’s age.

Understandably, there are privacy concerns about porn websites retaining data on individuals which could be hacked, or potentially sold. A porn pass, which could be bought from shops, has also been suggested as a form of verification, but it’s unlikely to work due to consumer embarrassment.

Of course, better parenting is the best answer – with tech-savvy parents blocking access to sites on all devices at home – but that’s easier said than done, and so far hasn’t worked.

It’s worth noting that over the weekend Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg said that regulators and governments should play a more active role in controlling internet content – the responsibility, he said, was too great for firms alone.

One solution, then, is for the Government to summon up the courage to establish a regulator, using either an Ofcom or British Board of Film Classification model. Create the software, tell porn companies that if they want to operate in Britain they have to install UK-owned age verification systems, and fine those which don’t. That will mean either compliance or closure. Adults will continue being adults, and children will be able to be children, safely.