Money bags

SNP HQ is grubbing around for cash in ever weirder ways, Unspun hears. This week it emailed members a snap of the party’s three new luggage models - sorry, MEPs. “The eagle-eyed amongst you spotted Christian Allard boarding his first flight to Brussels with a very special travel case,” it gushed, urging people to part with £74.99 to get their own with an “elegant, beautifully embroidered SNP exterior”. Then came the hard sell. “But be quick, they’re very much sought-after, and very much limited edition.” Aye, sure. Stay classy now.

Air we go

TALKING of travel, we see Nat MPs Drew Hendry and Gavin Newlands have had some plum freebies from London City Airport. The new register of interests reveals each bagged a ticket for the England v Scotland game at at Twickenham in March “and accompanying hospitality”, a gig worth £1050. We trust that, if the offer comes again, they’ll dutifully refuse because of Nicola Sturgeon’s climate emergency - and pigs will take off from London City.

‘Pretty exciting’

WHEN rambling Tory leadership hopeful Rory Stewart recently visited Holyrood, he tweeted about meeting the “very impressive Scots Tories economy team”. Alas, one of them, the famously monotone MSP Gordon Lindhurst, was overheard telling him dolefully: “Well, it’s not Westminster. . . but it can sometimes get pretty exciting.” Just not when ‘Chloroform Gordon’ holds the floor.

Road warriors

A STRIKING insight into law-making at Holyrood this week, as MSPs valiantly fought to exempt their classic cars from air pollution charges. Tory Murdo Fraser tried to amend the Transport Bill so it would protect his 1972 Mark 1 Triumph Stag. He was backed by fellow classic driving Tory Peter Chapman. “There is something about this that we need to examine further,” added LibDem Mike Rumbles, who also revealed he used to own a classic. Well, whatever’s convenient for you, lads!

Off with his head

A FASCINATING interview with MSP Adam Tomkins in the new Holyrood magazine confirms his stubborn Republican streak. The Glasgow Tory reveals his dream dinner date would be gloomy kingslayer Oliver Cromwell. “I would really like to know what motivated him,” he said. “What was 1642 really all about? What were the civil wars all about?” Some top ice-breakers there. Perhaps he should look within. After all, Mr Tomkins once published a list of the “many arguments against the monarchy” and wanted to “ban the Queen”.

Hissy fit

THE article also covered Professor Tomkins’s greatest fear. “I hate snakes. I can’t watch snakes on the TV. I can’t go into a reptile house in the zoo.” You’d have thought hanging out with Tory lounge lizards might have helped, but no. To relax, he growls along to Leonard Cohen on his guitar and drinks “far too much gin”. Holyrood does that to you.

Disco balls

NOT that they’re desperate to be ‘down with the kids’, but MSPs somehow shoehorned Dumfries-born chart-topper Calvin Harris into Wednesday’s vote on the South of Scotland Enterprise Bill. First Joan McAlpine name-dropped the “Brit award-winning DJ”. Then, wholly improbably, cabinet secretary Fergus Ewing ended his speech by quoting lyrics from “one of the region’s greatest living sons”. As the chamber giggled at Mr Ewing’s Calvins, he boasted: “Yes, I know him well.” He then admitted more accurately: “I know of him.” Quite.