Chickened out
A VIGNETTE from Glasgow's Buchanan Street this week where a Milngavie reader watched a young chap go over to a mendicant sitting on the street and ask him if he could buy him something to eat. The supplicant replied: "Aye great! A chicken and bacon sandwich out of Sainsbury’s – and a medium-sized strawberry milk shake mate. Okey-dokey?” This proved too much for the Good Samaritan who told him: "Have you ever heard the expression ‘Beggars can’t be choosers’?" and walked on.
Hard to swallow
OUR delivery disasters reminded Linda FitzGerald in Killin: "I ordered what I thought was a bottle of Veuve Clicquot Champagne as a special treat at Christmas time – not inexpensive at £28. Imagine my disappointment when my Sainsbury delivery had a cute wee totty 37cl bottle - literally a rare wee swally. Fortunately the lovely delivery chap also saw the funny side of it and took it back."
Our Father
EYES down for our final gawky grace story as Robin Mather in Musselburgh tells us: "Years ago my parents were elders of the Church of Scotland which meant we had several ministers coming to our home to visit. On one occasion, as we sat down to our evening meal, our guest asked if he could say grace. Seeing the look of concern on my face, he said, 'Don't worry son, this won't take long.' He went way up in my estimation as he uttered, 'Ta, Pa'."
Put foot down
FORMER Rangers and Kilmarnock player Kris Boyd has announced his retirement after more than 500 games and nearly 250 goals in professional football. We recall some years ago when Kris was back in his native Tarbolton in Ayrshire and a local was checking out his new Ferrari, costing £140,000 or thereabouts. Not that folk in Tarbolton are easily impressed. The local worthy looked at the stripped-down racing-style of the car and asked: "Could you not have spent a bit more and got one with carpets and a radio?"
Partied out
GROWING old, continued. Says a Clarkson reader: "I noticed that a neighbour had a big party at the weekend. Years ago I would have taken the huff at not being invited, but now I realise I'm at the age where I was just relieved I wasn't."
Not sneezed at
A GLASGOW reader tells us he was in his local the other night where folk were discussing the scariest thing they had ever done, with some talking about charity skydives and swimming with sharks. One toper, who was struggling to come up with anything, eventually blurted out: "I sneezed violently while crossing two lanes to leave the M77 at Kinning Park in the rush hour. I'm telling you, that was pretty scary."
A catch
SPECULATION continues on where Motherwell's £3 million star David Turnbull will turn up after turning down Celtic's initial signing bid. Junior football side Maryhill FC took to social media this week to announce: "Feel the need to clarify something. We have been asked repeatedly if David Turnbull has snubbed Celtic for Maryhill. Yes and no. We are currently in talks with Turnbull, but not the same one. Our David Turnbull is a goalie, 42 years old, 18 and a half stone and loves rolls 'n' chips as well as cans of Vimto."
Incidentally, Maryhill FC, who play in a neat wee park tucked away behind Maryhill Road, were also appealing for anyone with a spare grass strimmer to get in touch so we don't think they were throwing away anything like £3m to sign their David Turnbull.
Read more: 1964: Six chocolate eclairs and a nice coffee, master Bunter?
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