For the record
YOU can't beat a Glasgow audience. Mike Ritchie tells us: "The excellent singer/songwriter, Marseilles-based Terry Lee Hale, rounded off his gig at The Doublet in Glasgow the other evening with an unplugged, acoustic song. As he strummed the opening chords, he asked punters to his right: 'Can you hear me OK?' Back came the reply: 'Don’t worry about it, it’s fine. I’ve got your CD'.”
Hard to swallow
GROWING old, continued. A reader tells us: "There is a retired persons golf group where a membership requirement is that they have to be on at least three pills a day."
Let's face it
THAT great day out, the Royal Highland Show, is on just now at Ingliston. You can't beat it for being able to buy a two-pound jar of honey or a combine harvester for a quarter of a million quid on the same site while strolling past highland cattle having their hair blown dry before going in the ring. Our favourite Highland Show story was the year there was a Tannoy announcement for everyone to be on a lookout for a missing schoolboy. It turned out that he got his face camouflaged at the Army stand then felt he had to hide from his teachers until they finally winkled him out.
Not a breeze
GREAT football from the Scotland women's team until they were brought down by a very dodgy referee and VAR technology. Actually not everyone blamed the referee. As our old colleague Stewart Weir declared: "If it hadn't been for John Logie Baird inventing television we wouldn't have had VAR. Scotland only has itself to blame..."
If you missed the game, Scotland had taken a 3-0 lead against Argentina but due to the astonishing decision by the ref to allow Argentina to retake a saved penalty, they drew 3-3 to go out of the tournament. As a Celtic fan summed it up for us: "Scotland men’s team: 'We’ve invented every possible way to mentally exit a tournament'.
Scotland’s women: 'Hold our Bacardi Breezers'."
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PROBLEMS that never existed before – a reader in Hyndland tells us: "Was woken up in the middle of the night by my electronic device Alexa suddenly saying, 'I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?' There was no one else in the house, so you can imagine how long it took me to get back to sleep."
Don't knock it
A READER tells us he heard a young chap in his local pub discussing a fellow pal with his friends and declaring: "He's that thick, if you started telling him a knock-knock joke he'd interrupt to say he thought there was someone at the door."
Having a spin
WE went far down memory lane with tales of delivery lads on bicycles, and Allan Richardson recalled: "I had a customer in my business in Glasgow who said as a young man he worked at a grocers in Beith as a delivery boy. He remembered one delivery when, going down a hill he braked and went over the handlebars. The messages scattered all over the road. But all he could do was pick himself up, gather up the the bashed messages, and deliver them as best he could." Well, we guess that's not a problem the Tesco drivers face these days.
Amazing grace
WE asked about amusing graces, and David Miller recalled one by the late Ibrox-attending Rev James Currie which ended with “Heap blessings on all gathered here/ To absent friends and strangers/And if you’ve any blessings left/Then please God bless the Rangers.”
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