The latest “laugh out loud” viral social media video, with 15.3 million views and 300,000 likes, has left me feeling cold.
You may have seen the short clip yourself - it shows a toddler refusing a spoonful of food, who then smiles as the adult feeding them offers it to a Mickey Mouse soft toy instead.
Out of the blue, the adult repeatedly punches Mickey in the face as the toddler watches, stunned. They then dutifully eat the food. For me, whether intended or otherwise, the message here is clear: violence is the method of resolving a situation where someone is not doing as you like. Violence gets results. What sort of psychological impact does this have on a child?
This video instantly made me think about the debate surrounding the upcoming Children (Equal Protection from Assault) (Scotland) Bill, popularly known as the Smacking Ban.
The proposed Bill is certainly a step in the right direction, not only for the protection of children’s physical well-being but also for their emotional development. Since my own eight year old came into the world I have gone out of my way to protect her from any form of trauma. I am conscious of the impact that my own behaviours, actions, or use of language might have on her understanding of the world we live in - and how to interact with those around her.
It is for this reason that I believe using any form of violence against a child to make a point is to fail in your parenting - it truly is the most primitive of behaviour.
I have always thought of my own child as someone who is learning how to be an adult. The job of those of us close to her is to help her become a fully rounded, confident grown up - someone who can lead whatever life she chooses, and make of it whatever she will.
Does this make me a snowflake? I don’t think so. There are a few ways to look at this issue and, for me, I like to compare different scenarios in order to bring the physical act of smacking a child into sharper focus.
If our children are trainee adults, then let’s consider a trainee in any workplace - be that an apprentice joiner or IT consultant, they are going to make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes will have a negative effect on their employer, potentially delaying a project and, often, costing time and money.
So what would happen in this circumstance? Would the job trainer then rain blows of open hand slaps onto the prospective employee to discourage them from ever making the same costly mistake again? Of course not, but for a moment think about what your reaction would be upon witnessing this in your own workplace.
I know that some attempt to justify smacking by arguing that a child’s misbehaving has traditionally been dealt with in this way. We have all heard that old line: it didn’t do me any harm!
But as parents, we all have to deal with bad behaviour - from attitude and cheek to full blown temper tantrums yet, just as in the workplace, there are other methods of discipline which will not reinforce the harmful message to a child that violence is ever a solution.
When raising children, it is our job to introduce discipline and draw boundaries, but I see no need for assault to be part of that boundary building process. We have outlawed corporal punishment in prisons: so why do so many practice it in their homes, and on someone that they love?
I personally feel that smacking a child is not only an ugly act but a form of bullying, one which is indicative of a complete lack of parental self-control. We can and should be much better than this.
That is why, as a working class parent who was a smacked child myself, I hope that this proposed legislation does indeed pass - and then goes on to drive a culture change, one which finally eliminates that fear of a cold hand delivering hot stinging welts, which so many of us can still remember from our own childhoods.
Liam Stevenson is a co-founder of the TIE Campaign, a parent and a 'smacked child' himself. He lives in Cumbernauld.
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