BONG! Jeremy Hunt will not be forced to live in a kennel if Boris Johnson is victorious. BONG! East Dunbartonshire woman will be next occupant of Number 10. BONG! New magic money tree discovered.

Those might have been the headlines on last night’s ITV news if it was not for the selfless souls getting up early to watch the Sunday morning politics shows and separate the wheat from the chaff, the chocolate raisins from the rabbit droppings. Instead, the main story rightly remained that of Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un having an impromptu date in the DMZ using the geopolitical version of Tinder (“Swipe right for peace, left for nuclear war”).

The meeting of the international odd couple was by no means the strangest sight to behold yesterday. Viewers of Ridge on Sunday were treated to the vision of Boris Johnson being interviewed in a school. The Conservative leadership contender and host Sophy Ridge were perched knee to knee on school chairs clearly designed for people who were considerably younger, smaller, and in Mr Johnson’s case, slimmer.

It took a whole three minutes before the classics graduate threw a reference to a 14th century Tunisian scholar into the conversational fray. In interview terms this is the equivalent of shouting “Squirrel!” to a dog. The man who would be Tory king yelled it several times, backing it with his usual harrumphing, gesticulating, and saying “Sophy” a lot.

“Sophy” did not get her name above the shop door by falling for the questionable charms of politicians. Instead she tackled Mr Johnson on Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, who remains imprisoned in Tehran on spying charges, which she has strenuously denied. Mr Johnson, when Foreign Secretary, wrongly said she had been in the country teaching journalism, a blunder that made a delicate situation worse. He said he felt “a deep sense of anguish” for what she had been going through.

It sounds a little bit like someone who just won’t take responsibility, Ms Ridge countered. “You won’t take responsibility for the words on Nazanin. You won’t take responsibility for what you write in your columns, it was just ‘wrenched out of context’. I mean, is that a quality we would want in a Prime Minister?” It was not an Eddie “Muhammad Ali” Mair blow, but it was a nifty right hook.

Cue outrage from Mr Johnson and a list of what he had done as London mayor, including cutting the murder rate. He ended by declaring that he took personal responsibility for everything he said and did.

This would have been the perfect moment to segue into questions about his character, but instead there was… nothing. An editorial decision had obviously been taken to tackle Mr Johnson on policy and leave the personal stuff aside because he probably would not answer anyway. Since when is the likelihood of a question being rebuffed grounds for dumping it?

Instead, bizarrely, the questioning turned next to socks that Mr Johnson had been seen wearing. These depicted an Assyrian king, Ashurbanipal, famous for punishing his enemies in spectacular style. Mr Johnson could not recall exactly how.

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“Apparently he put a dog chain through the jaw of a defeated king and then made them live in a dog kennel,” said a helpful Ms Ridge. “Should Jeremy Hunt be worried?”

Mr Johnson said he admired Jeremy very much and whatever happened he would not be in a dog kennel, with or without a chain around his neck. “That’s a promise”.

Jo Swinson, the Liberal Democrat MP for East Dunbartonshire, was in the studio to talk about her bid to be party leader. Asked if her party could be kingmakers after a General Election, Ms Swinson said they could do better than that. After all, she said, there was a poll on Saturday that claimed the LibDems could win an election. Ms Ridge tried but failed to mask a smile as she asked if Ms Swinson really thought she could be in Number 10 soon. Yes, said the bold one. “I think predictions are a bit of a mug’s game in politics,” she added, ignoring the fact she had just made one.

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Andrew Marr’s main interview was with Jeremy Hunt, Mr Johnson’s rival for the leadership of the Tory Party. Like his former Cabinet colleague, Mr Hunt spoke often of the £26 billion “headroom” built up by the Chancellor to handle a no deal Brexit. This contingency fund has rapidly become the new magic money tree, growing ever taller as the leadership race goes on.

Having previously warned about the cost of leaving the EU without a deal, was he prepared to look people in the eye and say you’ve got to lose your job due to a no deal Brexit? “I would do it with a heavy heart,” Mr Hunt replied. Well, that’s all right then, isn’t it?

Marr asked about his declaration that if it came to a choice between Brexit or the Union the latter would win every time. But in retaining no deal as an option, a move that could jeopardise Scotland remaining in the UK, wasn’t he putting Brexit before the Union?

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The same topic came up in Sunday Politics Scotland in an interview with Professor Michael Keating of the Centre on Constitutional Change. It was a fascinating exchange but it was conducted over the phone. Why? The good prof was after all only in Pitlochry, not half way up Everest. Presenter Gordon Brewer blamed “gremlins” for the lack of visuals. To the dog house with those sprites; after all, there is plenty of room now that we know Mr Hunt won’t be going there.