Penny didn't drop
READER David Strang was at the Avenue shopping centre in Newton Mearns and tells us: "There were several women carrying large white pails collecting money for charity. A lady in front of me was asked if she would like to donate, and she replied, 'I gave you something yesterday but you probably don't remember me as I am wearing a different jacket' and off she went. I said to the collector as I was dropping my coin in to her pail, 'Is that the best excuse you have ever heard for not donating?' She said, 'Yes'."
Sticky situation
KENNY Reid tells us he was at Edinburgh Airport yesterday when the announcement came over the PA system: "Would the person who's left a walking stick at the champagne bar please return to collect it." We can't help wondering if Scots are the opposite of everyone else and can actually do without a walking stick after alcohol instead of needing one.
Where's the beef
OUR tale of the firefighter cooking for his crew and passing off fried bread as fish reminds Margaret Thomson: "One Sunday I had made a large beef casserole to feed my family. An hour before lunch-time we were visited by a couple we knew and two of their friends. Panic! Naturally we asked them to stay for lunch. When dishing out, being as frugal as I dared, I simply could not stretch the meat. So, I broke up a couple of pancakes and drowned them with gravy, and no one said a word!"
What a card
ANYONE with teenage children will know that ID cards from folk over 21 are constantly borrowed in order to get into clubs. One bouncer tells us: “Someone accidentally handed me his real ID instead of his fake. I said: ‘This says you’re 19’” and he replied: ‘That’s my old one, here’s my real ID’ and handed me an entirely different person’s ID as if his name and birthday had magically changed.”
On that note
GROWING old. continued. Retired doctor John Hay in the Western Isles tells us he was perturbed when listening to the BBC news on the radio, reporting on the out-of-control wildfires in Europe during the current Continental heatwave, to hear that “musicians might blow up”. He was trying to work out how that could possibly happen until he heard on a later broadcast that it was in fact ammunition on an army base threatened by the conflagration in Germany, and he has vowed to have his hearing tested.
Doctor's orders
LATEST research has shown that obese Scots outnumber smokers by nearly two to one. It reminds us of being at a business lunch in Glasgow where a speaker said she had been at her doctor's for a check-up where she was asked what she weighed. "Eight and a half stone," she replied, but the doc asked her to pop on the scales, and she came in at nine stone, two pounds.
He then asked her height, but after replying 5ft 5in, she was asked to stand against a height measuring pole and actually came in at 5ft 3in. He then took her blood pressure and announced it was a bit on the high side. "No wonder," she told him. "When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now I'm short and fat."
Fur goodness sake
A KILMARNOCK reader was at Irvine Beach where he overheard a chap bending down to pat the dog of a friend he had bumped into while telling her: "People say their owners are a lot like their dogs, but your dog is lovely." Our reader thinks the woman didn't even realise it wasn't a compliment.
Read more: 1940: Lauder urges Scots to help finance 'costliest-ever war'
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here