Bear with us

A STORY in The Herald which mentioned the now-demolished Calderpark Zoo in Glasgow reminded Neil Dunn: "I was up in the Radio Clyde 'Eye in the Sky' in the eighties with the late 'Captain' George Muir on a rare occasion when he carried passengers and there was not much traffic news to report. He scooted along to the zoo and hovered over the bear enclosure and we watched as said bear rose majestically and roared. Whether with greeting or annoyance we will never know."

Easy pick-up

GROWING old, continued. Who can agree with Hannah Williams who remarked on social media: "I appreciate this marks the start of my descent into a lonely death, surrounded by hundreds of cats, but I have now taken to picking up rubbish while walking around my neighbourhood"?

A friend of Hannah's replied: "Keep us informed when you reach stage two of shouting at random people in the park about minor infringements of council by-laws."

In training

TONY Blair's former spin doctor Alastair Campbell has announced he will not rejoin the Labour Party as it is no longer the party he once supported. It reminds us of when Alastair was on a train from Glasgow heading south when he observed on social media: "Too many Scottish Manchester United fans on train. English Premier League has been bad for Scottish football." Within minutes someone replied: "So has Scottish football."


OUR story about the Ayrshire junior football side fielding three "Newmans" reminds Brian Logan in Langside: "My father played for junior side Croy Celtic at one time. He told me there were Seven Quinns in the squad, all related to Celtic legend Jimmy Quinn. The forward line was Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn and Quinn. One game had to be cancelled for the funeral of an uncle. Apparently games against Forth Rangers were something to behold."

Fur goodness sake

THE big holiday film out just now is Disney's remake of The Lion King featuring the cub Simba. So one young mother tried to jazz up her baking by incorporating a Lion King theme. Big mistake. As she related: "I made my kids some Simba-shaped pancakes, but my two-year-old wouldn't eat Simba and she started crying. I felt like a savage telling her to eat Simba, so I cut Simba's ears off. I realised my mistake when I saw the horror in her face, and now everyone is traumatised."

Stuff it

MULTI-MILLIONAIRE Richard Branson, possibly spending too long in the sun at his exclusive own island, declared on social media: "I truly believe that 'stuff' really does not bring happiness. Family, friends, good health and the satisfaction that comes from making a positive difference are what really matters." A cynical Sarah Phelps quickly replied: "Gie's yer stuff then."

All Greek

PRIME Minister Boris Johnson has announced a £300 million fund to help Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland with the cost of Brexit. Recalling the famous phrase about Greeks bearing gifts, reader Jim Arnold on Arran says: "Classical scholar Boris Johnson has visited Scotland with the offer of money. Would Diary readers agree that a West of Scotland colloquial translation of 'Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes' might read as 'be a big feartie of cunning chantywrasslers bringin’ wee prezies?'"

Read more: 1970: Queen given savings books for Andrew and Edward