LAMENTATIONS alongside congratulations for poor Sir Andy Murray.

Our favourite dour Scot has won Rear of the Year. It's not immediately obvious whose pert posterior he pipped to first place because the focus has been predominantly on the female winner.

I can tell you quite swiftly that Amanda Holden has taken the top bottom prize from Holly Willoughby, Rachel Riley, the Duchess of Sussex and Carol Vorderman, who all slump to bottom bottom.

While the focus generally is on Sir Andy's cheeks for not smiling, in this case his cheeks - all four - must be firmly upright.

But, while the Rear of the Year competition has long included a male winner - since 1986 no less - he is a mere token beside the serious contender, the female winner.

This will be unusual situation for the tennis player, given how it is that usually men's competitions taking precedence over women's competitions.

An avid supporter and champion of women, I'm sure Sir Andy will be at once pleased and perplexed that his success is taking a back seat while his female colleague is receiving the greatest attention.

But... all for the sake of objectification.

Isn't the Read of the Year competition a funny little British anachronism?

There's a mini British citizenship test doing the rounds on social media (I failed quite spectacularly with a 14 out of 25 score) and I wonder if an extended version might include a few questions about the native proclivity for strange sauce.

A quiz featuring questions about Benny Hill, Mrs Slocombe's pussy and the Rear of the Year might do more for sorting out immigration than Brexit.

One would assume anyone reading of these weird likes might head straight homewards and think no more of England's green and pleasant etc.

With the UK hanging on a political knife edge, the endless miseries of a Donald Trump presidency and the niggling worry about just how much to stockpile to see us through a Brexit disaster, it seems horribly churlish to criticise something light and cheering, something a bit diverting.

Though focussing on a shapely distraction is probably not the soundest recommendation to give our political classes.

Horribly churlish it may be but why are we still marking Rear of the Year?

What on earth kind of popularity contest is this? The organiser, Tony Edwards, has a creepily extensive lexicon for dealing with celebrity gluteus maximus.

Is anyone else really appraising the shape and size of backsides? Or are they just voting for the person they like the most, in this case Ms Holden with 12,000 online votes

Of the victorious Ms Holden, the PR consultant said: "She has a particularly shapely, well-toned and, above all, proportionate and understated rear - in contrast to the somewhat exaggerated, fake, cosmetic look for bottoms, recently imported from the USA.

"They won't win any style awards in the UK."

There is a very particular layer of cringe associated with criticising the Americans for being crass while celebrating something so utterly odd and seedy.

In his quiet moments, alone with his conscience, does Mr Edwards never pause to reflect on any other ways he might divert his attention than with the objectification of famous bums?

From the inaugural winner, Barbara Windsor, to now, Mr Edwards has, to my count, had to devise flowery descriptors for 62 popular derrières.

Exhausting, no?

I'm struggling to come up with enough synonyms for significant posterior just to get me to the end of this column.

Hats off to sir for making it through since 1976.

Our national psyche has moved on, surely, from coveting saucy seaside postcards and should be delighted to see the rear of what is a sexist, outdated nonsense.

Yes, the award goes to a man and a woman but let's not pretend the two are of equal value.

The chaps haven't routinely even had their own photocall, though an exception being the glorious and memorable high camp of John Barrowman frolicking in a fountain as the nation's press photographers leapt in after him for the perfect shot.

If the shape of the winning bum reflects current fashions, it also reflects the preference - still, now - for objectifying women's body shapes and hailing their mere physicality as an achievement.

Look at the gleeful tabloid coverage - any excuse to use a run of bikini shots. Sigh.

The one true answer, now, to any British Citizenship Test question on the national bottom can only be "builder's bum" as we turn our back on anything other.