THE CALL came through from Victim Support this week, on the back of my house being broken into and car stolen. A middle-aged female voice asked if she could help me deal with the distress. It’s sad to admit but I had to stifle a laugh.

I offered a polite “No, I’m fine,” but what I really wanted to say was “Yes, point me in the direction of a shop that sells harpoon guns so I can be ready should the robbing little b’s revisit.” Or perhaps “Yes, I need support . Can you arrange it so Charlize Theron comes round Saturday with a comfort cuddle, and a nice bottle of red?”

Don’t get me wrong; it’s great that such an organisation exists, that society is ready to leap to support those made vulnerable by those skidmarks in human form who would rob rather than work. But I don’t want to feel a victim. I’m happy to be labelled stupid, naïve, a dupe, but not have a V stamped on my head. That implies an acceptance of the actions of others. I don’t need to be rescued from my plight. To accept victimhood is to be taken back to my schooldays where I’m crying outside the staff room saying a big boy hit me and ran away.

Bertrand Russell once wrote “Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.” Yet, it seems victimhood has, paradoxically, become a power tool in modern times. Look at how Prince Andrew uses the device to deflect media criticism, claiming the British royals are all-too-often victims of attacks other European royals don’t have to contend with. What he chooses to ignore is that it’s his privilege and wealth which allowed him to fly the globe to meet up with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, to have encounters with the then 17-year-old who would later allege she was forced to have sex with the Prince.

What Prince Whiner chooses to ignore is that he has vast wealth, status and a legal team which will ensue the allegations against him blow away like autumn leaves in an open car park.

His nephew too is arguing he is also a “victim”. Prince Harry and wife Meghan assert they have been the victims of “unconscious bias” leading to racism. H & M maintain the media are wrong to claim the Sussexes have been distancing themselves from his big brother and his wife, or playing coy with the press.

Harry doesn’t believe the criticism has come about because he and his wife are being perceived as two bandwagon jumpers, determined to attach themselves to causes and profile themselves like Hollywood stars. No, it’s inherent racism that’s fuelling the challenges to the eco warriors. Nothing to do with the fuel they use up jetting the globe to promote their causes (themselves).

Politicians are all too often playing the victim card. Pull out a pack of cards and Shadow Home Secretar y Diane Abbott’s face (attached to brass neck) will appear more than most. Abbott was a “victim” early this year on Question Time, when she accused the BBC of “legitimising racism” because she was “repeatedly interrupted.” But doesn’t that come with the job description? Michael Howard didn’t claim victim status after Paxman cut in to ask him the same question 14 times. Yet, Abbott was quick to start a colour war – this coming from a politician who once had to apologise after a tweet she posted claimed “White people love playing ‘divide and rule.’”.

There is a real worry our society is encouraging a victim mentality. Check out The Social, the BBC digital platform which promotes talent. It’s a great resource but all too often content is created by complaining teenagers, victims of the cruel hand life has dealt them. One video featured an unhappy young man with a mole on his face.

If young people wish to be creatives they should look to the literary world to see how victimhood is processed. Writer William H. Coles points out; “The greater the expectations of the victim, the less likely those in contact with the victim will be able to fulfil the need for untethered pity, and a reader will have a less empathetic response.”

What this reminds us is the likes of Elizabeth Bennett or Captain Ahab or Holden Caulfield were indeed victims, but they didn’t consider themselves as such. Cinderella didn’t wallow in self-pity. She scrubbed up and took herself off to the ball.

It’s certainly the case not all victims immerse themselves in victimhood. It’s wrong therefore to accuse terribly wronged people of “wallowing in victim status” as Boris Johnson tried with the survivors of Hillsborough, a community determined to move forward to seek justice and retribution.

But we need to watch out for those who pin the victim badge to their own chests all too readily. “Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.”

So don’t label me a victim. Unless the treatment for such a condition is a visit from Charlize.