The Cash Machine STV, Sunday 7pm **
WHAT is to be done about oor Lorraine Kelly? In the realm of morning television no-one can touch the Scot, but take her out of that arena and she never seems entirely at home.
Cameos on comedy programmes and Coronation Street have come and gone, and there was an attempt at a Saturday night Generation Game-style show, the least said about which the better. Now she is fronting a new quiz, The Cash Machine.
“Meet the world’s most generous ATM,” said Kelly as the hour long show began. “It contains thousands of pounds just waiting to be withdrawn but if you want to win you have to crack the PIN!” Ah, Mr Catchphrase, we were expecting you.
In a format developed by STV Productions Entertainment team, four pairs of contestants were given set amounts of money and had to answer questions against the clock. The longer they took to arrive at the correct answers, the more money drained away.
One team, Fraser and Chris, drew the subject of historic buildings. Where was Robert the Bruce crowned, asked Kelly.
Fraser and Chris tried Balmoral. Then Stirling Castle, Alnwick Castle, and finally Blenheim Palace. They then exited stage left, pursued by Scottish education’s reputation.
Lorraine did her best to jolly everyone along – “David and Donna, you did really well with mountains!” – and she quizzed one contestant about an eraser collection with professional ease. “Are we talking vast quantities?” she asked Gemma, a veterinary nurse.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the hour ticked away. Too many teams, too many questions, too many minutes to fill.
Add to this the frequent ad breaks and the viewer was longing for someone, anyone, to win. The final round was exciting, but by then it was too late.
Cut in half, The Cash Machine might have a future somewhere in the daytime schedules. As for Kelly, the search for her next jackpot gig continues.
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