Bland baddie

EWAN McGregor plays the villainous Black Mask in superhero movie Birds of Prey released early next year. Supervillains and superheroes usually have dynamic back-stories. Batman’s parents were murdered. Superman escaped the exploding planet Krypton. Black Mask’s origins aren’t quite so impressive. One of the reasons he’s so darned dastardly is he was bitten by a rabid raccoon. As secret origins go, that’s almost as thrilling as discovering the Joker decided to destroy Gotham City after stubbing his toe on a doorframe at an impressionable age.

Food fight

OVERHEARD on a bus by a Stirling reader. One young man to another: “I had the Chicken and Pepperoni Bake from Greggs at lunchtime. It’s definitely no’ your thing.” To which the other young man replied (barely concealing his hurt feelings and sense of injustice): “Wit? Am I no good enough for yer swanky grub, then?”

Follicle folly

READER Will Mulholland noticed his hair was thinning, and decided to camouflage the lack of foliage with a few artfully positioned strands. Our man’s wife saw through the ruse immediately. “You don’t have enough hair left for a combover,” she informed him. “That’s as useless as building a bridge across the Clyde with a half-empty box of Swan Vesta.” Will assures us he isn’t downcast, and is mulling over the possibility of wearing a hat indoors.

Chippy chappy

ANOTHER tale of fine dining. The Diary was a tad surprised that David Beckham popped into Glasgow’s Crabshakk diner this week and ordered fish and chips. Beckham is a style icon, a mover and shaker, a close confidante of the rich and famous. (Apparently he also used to play football, we are reliably informed by scholars who keep records of bygone eras.) Fish and chips seems a bit old school for an exotic gadabout like Beckham. We sort of hoped his slap-up lunch of choice would be deep-fried caviar. Or perhaps swan’s wing and chips?

Fruit and nutcase

YESTERDAY’s Diary suggestion that new blue plaques should appear in Scotland, celebrating local history, leads reader Alison Decker to demand a blue plaque nailed over the door of a certain Glasgow greengrocer. She explains: “Early in his career, Billy Connolly must have stumbled into a fruit and veg shop whilst looking for a shoe store. At which point I’m guessing he spotted a bunch of bananas, and said to himself: ‘I bet they’d be comfier than a new pair of brogues.’”

Snippy comment

BREXIT brouhaha continued. Reader John Fisher from Polmont asks: “In future Brexit negotiations, can Britain demand the EU take full possession of Boris Johnson’s hairdresser?”

Cheesy chat

WE finish with some wacky wisdom. Ashleigh Devlin gets in touch to remind us that sloth is sometimes not so bad. “The early bird might get the worm,” she tells us. “But it’s the second mouse who gets the cheese.”