Irn brouhaha

THE diary considers itself a soothing oasis in a world of sturm und drang. (For non-Germanic speakers out there, sturm und drang translates into Scots as: “Jings! Crivens! Here we go again wi’ mair Brexit bampottery and another climate change stramash.”) But even the Diary must sometimes report on planetary chaos. Such as the internet campaign to storm the Irn-Bru factory and demand the original recipe’s reinstatement. But is it possible to revert to yesteryear? We’d certainly wage war for the triumphant return of the Texan Bar, that gnarly, chewy, choccy bar that broke kids’ teeth. Then shattered their hearts when it was withdrawn from shops. (Sob!)

Funny money

OUR piece about the struggle for Scottish dosh to be accepted as legal tender reminds Bill Morton from Bearsden of an incident in Lewisham, London. Visiting an off-sales, our man presented a £20 note (Scottish) to pay for his items. At this point the bemused salesperson enquired what was this strange object being held out to him. Bill told him it was a traveller’s cheque. “You need to sign it, then,” said the wily shopkeeper. Bill duly complied, and all was well.

Fame name game

MORE celebrities with tenuous links to Scotland. Reader Mark Wallace reminds us that popular 1980s chick flick, Dirty Dancing, has strong connections to Glasgow, thanks to its leading man, Partick Swayze.

Seeing red over white

THE death of Average White Band saxophonist Malcolm “Molly” Duncan reminds reader Bert Walsh of the time he told his wife he’d bought them both tickets to see the funk legends perform at one of their early gigs. Being unfamiliar with the band, Bert’s wife initially thought hubby was describing the band’s appearance and level of talent. “I don’t see why it matters if they’re white,” she scolded Bert. “And couldn’t we go watch something a bit better than average?”

Fast food fumble

WHAT’S in a name? Reader Gordon Smith recently attended the baptism of the latest addition to his clan, a wee lass called Margherita. Gordon mentioned to the family that it was nice to see a child with a relatively normal name, what with the tradition for naming babies after celebrities or places visited by parents. It transpired, however, that Margherita’s moniker did indeed have a frisson of the exotic. “I was amused to find out she was conceived in the toilets at Pizza Hut,” says Gordon.

Spec spotting

GROWING old continued. Reader Donna Simon says when she wakes up of a morning, she always has trouble finding where she left her glasses. “Perhaps I need to buy another pair of glasses, to look for my initial pair of glasses,” she says. “Although, of course, I’d misplace the second pair, too.”

Backward boffin

NICHOLAS Fielding informs us that his gauche friend recently got a PhD in the history of palindromes. Nicholas now calls him Dr Awkward.