Yanks for nothing

CONGRATS to Lewis Capaldi for hitting the top spot in the US charts. The West Lothian warbler is the latest in a long line of Scots to ace it across the Pond. We gave America Rod Stewart, for example, whose understated sartorial elegance was undoubtedly responsible for every Stateside fashion faux pas of the 1970s.

We’re also behind President James Buchanan, whose roots can be traced to Scotland. Buchanan is often rated one of America’s worst Presidents, being largely responsible for the Civil War. In more recent times we contributed a tincture of tartan DNA to the biological makeup of the current White House resident, whose mother was a Scot. On second thoughts, let’s just say we gave America Mr Capaldi. We’ll draw a polite veil over our other major contributions to the nation’s cultural wealth.

Linguistic balls-up

ON holiday with his wife, Peter Sommerville from Greenock befriended a group of Canadians. Discovering Peter and his missus were Scottish, one of the Canadian ladies recalled the time she travelled through the Highlands in a tourist coach. Her group had stopped at Glen Coe to enjoy the view and listen to the lone piper, whereupon the Canadian lady approached the kilted figure, skirling energetically, and complemented him on his fine scrotum. We assume she was referring to his sporran.

Suckered soldier

CHER was strolling down Buchanan Street the other day. (Now there’s a line we never thought we’d write.) In town playing the Hydro, the music legend was impressed by busker Esosa Max-Who, who was singing in the street. Cher later took to Twitter, proclaiming Esosa "more than special". Such sympathy for a street performer reminds us of the following story. A Glasgow soldier was ambling across Argyle Street when he spotted a scruffy, down-on-his-luck busker playing a battered guitar outside St. Enoch underground station. Next to the busker was a sign that read: ‘Veteran Of The Falklands War’. The soldier though to himself: “Poor fella. I wis in that skirmish, an’ it wis awfy.” So he chucked a £20 note in the busker’s cap. Upon receiving the dosh, the grateful guitar-strummer said with a grin: “Gracias, senor!”

Brad’s a buddy

ANOTHER entry in our never-ending list of famous people with tenuous links to Scotland. Geoff Inker from Newton Stewart notes that Radio 2 are currently broadcasting a series introduced by country crooner Brad Paisley. When promoting the show, Brad’s middle name wasn’t mentioned, though Geoff assures us it’s "Frae".

Looking-glass giggle

RIVER City regular Sanjeev Kohli is in a reflective mood. “Weird isn’t it,” he muses, “How after a while a mirror starts to resemble its owner?”

Clocking in

A FRIEND of reader Brian Chrystal told him he hopes to visit the Horological Museum down in Newark. He reckons it’s about time.

Read more: Actor Bill Simpson, 1963 and 1977