Gnaw beavers here

ONE of the best places to immerse yourself in the world of beavers is Knapdale Forest, where you can enjoy a stroll known as the Beaver Detective Trail. Chances are you won’t spot any fuzzy, buck-toothed critters, though signs of beaver habitation abound, including gnawed and felled trees. Some busybody, however, has been scribbling on almost every munched plant: “This was not beavers!”

Angus Heazlewood, who visited the trail, tells us: “Obviously someone’s concluded that there aren’t any beavers in the park and the local greenery is being deliberately destroyed to make it look as though the animals are in residence.”

So is this just a crackpot conspiracy theory, or is Knapdale Forest truly barren of beavers? And, if so, who is savaging the local foliage? There can be only one answer… chainsaw-wielding hedgehogs.

Bags of talent

THE Britain’s Got Talent judges were camped out on the top floor of Buchanan Galleries in Glasgow this week, scrutinising local performers. Reader Martin Walker spotted a pipe band returning from their audition, and was bowled over by the talent on display. So did he get a chance to hear the band in action? No, but he witnessed something even more impressive.

“About 30 of them were trying to get down the escalator at once,” says Martin. “They managed it without dropping their gear or getting their kilts tangled in the workings of the machinery. It truly was a wonder to behold. Best of all, they were kept too busy to play their instruments. So I was spared any earache from the bagpipes.”

Zeal for land

EDINBURGH comedian Ben Verth provides us with a lesson in antipodean history. He tells us: “Auckland is named because it was settled by Scots who, when they first saw it from the ship, cried: “Och, land!”

Flair for chairs

THE Herald recently reported that the BBC’s Samira Ahmed is demanding the same pay as male colleague, Jeremy Vine, for doing what she describes as similar work. Reader Jeff Perry is not impressed: “Both Vine and Ahmed should take a pay cut,” he fumes. “They’re only reading an autocue.” The Diary disagrees. The two talented broadcasters manage to sit on chairs while reading their autocues. Multi-tasking at its most demanding.

Canal argy-bargy

GLOBE trotting actor John Hannah is enjoying the autumnal weather in Montreal at present, though he has one complaint about Canada. “Now that construction has brought the roads to a standstill they’ve started on the canals,” he grumbles, adding with what we assume is a dash of sarcasm rather than a decision to change career: “Must be an amazing time to own a construction company here.”


SOME cooking advice from reader Derek Gunn, who tells us: “If you boil your funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.”

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