Dugdale digs in

KEZIA Dugdale is miffed about the current level of political discourse. The former leader of Scottish Labour focuses her ire on a recent addition to the lexicon which describes the possibility of Scotland leaving the UK. “Can we please stop the use of ‘Scexit’ in its tracks please?” she snaps, before adding: “It’s an abomination of the English language, it’s a cliquey bubble word and it sounds like something you might have removed at the doctors.” The Diary, fearing a similar tirade, has decided never to coin the word: "Kexit". (Meaning: Kezia Dugdale’s resignation from her previous held position as mild-mannered soul.)

Misguided view

YOU would have thought that Craig G Telfer, one of the presenters of BBC football show The View from The Terrace, would be gloating about getting his mug on telly. Sadly the reality of a career in broadcasting isn’t as glorious as he’d hoped. “I thought hosting a Scottish football show on regional BBC television would be all about money, fame and lusty, busty women,” he says. “Instead, it’s perpetually getting things wrong and looking foolish.”

Public transport titan

EAST Kilbride has its first real-life superhero: a masked bloke going by the name of Night Raider. (True identity unknown. Though we sort of hope he’s a multimillionaire playboy who owns a Night-mobile kept parked in the secret lair beneath his mansion.) Mr. Raider, as we will now politely refer to him, wants to give victims of unreported crime a voice. Which is admirable. Regrettably he has no genuine superpowers. Which leads the Diary to ponder what would be the most handy superpower to possess in everyday life. Perhaps there could be a hero called… Bus Stop Man! This mighty marvel would have the death-defying ability to reach a bus stop just as his bus is pulling up, instead of arriving half an hour early, or at the very moment his bus zooms off.

No garlands

FORMER BBC broadcaster Brenda Paterson found herself yawning while watching the supposedly heart-wrenching biopic, Judy, about the life of Judy Garland. The Wizard of Oz icon’s life was a Hollywood hell-and-a-half. But the film, starring Renee Zellweger, falls flat when it comes to mining that emotional content, says Brenda. “Judy Garland?” she shrugs. “I’d probably have wiped away more tears of sorrow and anguish watching a flick about Judy Murray.”

Bus terminal

OUR recent story about a Wee Happy Bus being hired for a funeral reminds reader Jim Thomson that he once spotted one of the very same vehicles parked outside a funeral in Baldernock Church near Milngavie with “Sorry I’m not in service” on its destination screen.

Illuminating psychology

OUR run of lightbulb gags continues. Reader Peter Thornton asks how many therapists do you need to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb’s got to really want to change.

Read more: Ally McCoist, 1984 and 1987