Biting wit
STILL Game may have concluded with much public fanfare and tears from hardcore fans, but Greg Hemphill’s glamorous showbiz shenanigans continue triumphantly. Well, sort of. “Bit my tongue a belter,” he reveals on social media. “Now looking forward to two or three days of aftershock bites.”
Scheming kids
THE debate continues. We asked whether the tossing of coins from wedding cars to those vulture-like kids who gather for such occasions is a scatter or a scramble. Today’s shocking revelation is it’s… neither. “When I was a wee boy in Telford, Edinburgh, we called it a poor-oot,” reveals Harry Woodward, who is still a resident of that fair city. “It was probably called that because wedding guests felt obliged to pour out their loose change to those of us not invited to the festivities,” adds Harry. “Although maybe the ‘poor’ referred to our status as ‘schemie’ kids!”
Spirited final message
THE last words of a loved one can be poignant. They can also be pretty darned scary, according to Russell Smith from Kilbirnie. Especially when those last words are spoken after the loved one has died. A minister friend told Russell that he was once officiating at a crematorium service when a ghostly voice wafted over the mourners, just as the curtains had closed on the coffin. “That’s me away, then,” whispered the voice. Before any of the mourners could ask for more specific details about the proposed journey (such as whether the dearly departed was headed in an upwards or downwards direction) it became apparent that the voice didn’t belong to the cove in the coffin. It was an attendant signalling he was sneaking off early for a snooker match.
Coffee cruising
POPPING into a Glasgow coffee shop, reader Suzanne Cameron was served by an exuberant American who handed over Suzanne’s drink along with the succulently Stars and Stripey salutation: “That’s a wrap, buddy!” Such buoyant and exotic language certainly impressed Suzanne, who tells us: “My coffee beans came all the way from Brazil, the waiter was a Yank and the type of coffee I was drinking was Italian. Only the boiling water was Scottish.” She adds: “Who needs a foreign holiday when you can travel around the world without leaving your chair in a coffee shop?”
Post-pub pang
ENJOYING a night at the pub, Joan Gibson’s husband was still feeling the after-effects the following morning. It wasn’t just the throbbing headache, there was also a torturous tang tickling his tongue. “That’s the taste of regret you’ve got in your mouth,” Joan explained to hubby.
Funny about money
WITH a certain swagger, reader Tom Christie tells us he’s now working on making his second million. With slightly less swagger he adds: “I’ve already given up on earning my first million.”
Read more: George Michael entertains his fans: 1984 and 2007
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel