Name game

THE launch of the Scottish Tory manifesto got off to a dire start as candidate Moira Benny forgot the name of her target seat in her introduction. “I’m the candidate for Dunfermline and North Fife, eh+, West Fife!” she blundered. Boss Jackson Carlaw saved the day by joking about Nicola Sturgeon’s TV grilling the previous night. “I’m sorry to have to tell you we’re cancelling this launch in favour of a re-run of the Andrew Neil interview.”


MS BENNY’S map blindness seemed to be catching. Just a few hours later, the SNP’s John Nicolson informed a hustings in Ochil & South Perthshire that only he could beat the Tories “here in East Dunbartonshire”. His gaffe led to plenty of jokes at the SNP manifesto launch in Glasgow the next morning. When hacks noted Mr Nicolson’s absence, it was suggested he’d gone to Orkney & Shetland by mistake.

How long you got?

THAT wasn’t the biggest laugh of the launch, which was held in a massive warehouse in Yorkhill. That came when a TV reporter asked Nicola Sturgeon to spell out why she thought Boris Johnson was “unfit for office”. The FM smiled. “I’m happy to do that,” she said.”But I’m conscious we don’t have the let on this venue.”

Door belle

STEAMY news from the campaign in Edinburgh West. When LibDem MSP Alex Cole-Hamilton was out canvassing a door was opened by a woman naked but for a towel. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here, come in!” she exclaimed. Alas, he had to disappoint her. He was not the plumber of her dreams.

Two Fs in Fife

MEANWHILE, LibDem leader Willie Rennie got a rather cooler welcome in Leven. Opening her door, one voter recognised him and declared: “F***! Oh f***! An election. Ugh, but I’ll vote for you.” She then slammed the door in his face. “I don’t mind mind if people are rude, so long as they vote from me,” he told Unspun. So if you feel like giving a politician a therapeutic slagging, you know who to call.

Labour pain

TOUGH times at Scottish Labour’s media operation where lots of press releases are being followed up by corrections. Like the one that forget to give the time for the party’s manifesto launch. New spindoctor Conrad Landin has been dubbed ‘Crash’ Landin by the Holyrood press corps.