Having a wobbly

PREVIOUS generations of youngsters have kept themselves occupied kicking footballs and nursing dolls. Those pastimes are of little interest to the sophisticated youth of today. Reader Gary McAllon spied his 13-year-old son studying his iPad feverishly. Father was curious to know what rewarding Internet entertainment son was viewing. “The best thing ever!” explained the lad, pointing to the screen. Playing was something called the ‘Voice-Crack Compilation’, hundreds of video clips of people’s voices wobbling or breaking while they talked. “My son had been watching for an hour,” groans Gary. “It’s certainly not my idea of cracking entertainment.”

Boomer-rang or right?

MESSING about in her garden with a boomerang, reader Jennifer Caven thought she’d forgotten how to throw the thing properly. “But then it came back to me,” she adds.

Brought to book

CHRISTMAS. A time for faking childish delight whilst tearing open packages filled with stuff we’d never buy for ourselves. At least Brian Ferguson won’t face any surprises on December 25th. “My family always get me the Guinness Book of Records,” he says. “For the rest of December I pretend to read it, even though it’s not much different from last year’s volume.” Brian says his ambition is to appear in next year’s tome. “Surely I must have broken the record for owning the greatest number of unread Guinness Books accumulated under one roof,” he boasts.

Dog day afternoon

WITH the panto season in full swing there will be a lot of heavy-duty ham acting for theatregoers to endure. Which reminds us of this story that appears in the recently released Herald Diary book by Ken Smith. (Available at all good book shops… and a few of the disreputable ones, too.) Lucy Freeman was out for a walk when she observed a Labrador in the river, appearing to struggle. As it whimpered, Lucy drew the attention of the dog’s owner to this worrying spectacle. The owner, not unduly concerned, said: “He’s always doing this. Bloody drama queen. Joe! Put your feet down!” On this command the Labrador looked sheepish and stood up… in water barely reaching his knees.

Cold comfort

ACTRESS Elle Newlands was raised in Scotland though now plies her trade in LA (along with a gazillion fellow thespians). Late at night, when she can’t sleep, she likes to go for a stroll. “There’s something about the quiet rhythm of the world in the dead of night that makes sense to me,” she whispers rather poetically. Elle then adds in a more down to earth tone that every Scot will identify with: “And when it’s cold and wet and my lungs wake up, it feels like home.”

Water silly idea

DAFT joke time. Reader Colin Wright tells us scientists have just invented a new pill that cures dehydration. “All you have to do is take it three times a day, along with a glass of water,” explains Colin.