Acronym antics
THE Diary is always eager to be introduced to new and illuminating meanings for certain abbreviations. For instance, we were previously under the impression that in football VAR stands for Video Assistant Referee. A system, not yet introduced in Scotland, whereby officials view footage of incidents during a game in order to correct mistakes. Reader John Mulholland watched Sunday’s League Cup Final between Celtic and Rangers, where the Ibrox team squandered numerous chances and eventually lost the match. From this display he concludes that not only is VAR fully operational in Scotland, it’s been around for some time. He adds, somewhat contentiously, that the abbreviation stands for… Very Awful Rangers.
Talking turkey
CHRISTMAS complaints continued. Reader Eddy Cavin likes this time of year, though he’s increasingly irritated by the clichés of Christmas. Here’s a sample of Eddy’s seasonal gripes, groans and grievances. He hates, for instance, newspaper and magazine articles that include gift suggestions: "For Him", "For Her" and "For Under a Fiver". He also finds himself in a fury whenever Jamie, Nigella, Gordon or any of those other celebrity chefs start explaining how to cook the perfect turkey. As Eddy points out: “Only one of them can be right.”
Manifestly untrue
GRUFFALO author and former Bearsden resident Julia Donaldson says adults mistakenly believe children can’t tell the difference between stories and real life. The Diary, on the other hand, believes it’s grown-ups, not youngsters, who find it increasingly problematic separating facts from fancy. And no wonder. Just look at the competing promises made on the election campaign trail. We’d never be so bold as to dispute the honesty of our political parties. Though if Julia is looking for inspiration for her next work of fantasy, she may find what she’s looking for in one of those colourful documents that go by the name of party manifestos.
Name game
HAVING bought a pet cat, reader Tom Black has given it the perfect name. “He meows loudly to be let out each morning, but refuses to go out when I open the door,” says Tom. “So I’ve called him Brexit.”
Truly Blessed?
COMEDIAN Susie McCabe was shopping when she bumped into an acting legend. (Sort of.) “Just been in Poundland,” she explains. “And Brian Blessed is the voice of Santa on the self-scan. It’s tremendous!” Susie is clearly now addicted to celebrity encounters as she adds: “I’m away back in for 300 batteries and some Haribo.”
Fishy fun
TO get you in the mood for December 25 we’re supplying you with a corny Christmas cracker style joke from reader Joe Green. “A man’s walking round a health food store when he’s struck on the head by a container of Omega 3,” Joe tells us, then adds: “Luckily he wasn't badly injured. He only sustained super fish oil injuries.”
Read more: Mansplaining, a Christmas party demise and hands off Palmerston
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