Brexit means…?
ONE of our more linguistically limber readers is John Mulholland, who says: “Has anyone noticed that the Conservative slogan ‘Get Brexit Done’ is an anagram of Being Extorted?” John adds with what we assume is a rich amount of Remainer relish: “Enough said, methinks.”
Firm favourite
THE Old Firm? Don’t even go there, is what we’re often advised. Though the Diary, being a glutton for punishment, did go there yesterday. We suggested (rash fellows that we are) that the initials VAR, used in football to denote Video Assistant Referee, may also stand for Very Awful Rangers, in light of the Ibrox team’s League Cup Final loss. Harry Davies gets in touch to counter this wicked aspersion against a fine and upstanding team. “Perhaps a more appropriate abbreviation would be Very Awful Referee?” says Harry, who doesn’t stay on the phone long enough to reveal his footballing allegiances. Though we have a sneaking suspicion his favourite colour might be blue…
Crimbo gripes
YESTERDAY we brought you examples of reader Eddy Cavin’s Clichés of Christmas, those seasonal events that take place every year, though they really shouldn’t. (According to Eddy.) Here’s a few more from our chap’s long list of personal loathings. First up, the race to bag the Christmas Number 1. “It’s always by Simon Cowell,” grumbles Eddy. “Except when it’s by someone trying to stop Cowell’s effort.” He also hates the Queen’s Speech, though admits it could be rather entertaining this year. “Though only if she lets rip about Andrew,” he adds.
Kohli quip
AND now for a quirky quip from that wizard of wacky witterings and way-out whimsy, Still Game star Sanjeev Kohli. “If you're an actress with a lisp looking for a route to succeed in Hollywood, Ann Hathaway,” he says.
Grammatical groans
BUYING Christmas gifts for a large assortment of relatives and friends has reader Joan Muir feeling stressed. “I call it the present tense,” says Joan, who tells us she’s an English teacher, and so is fully qualified to deliver excruciating puns like this.
Socks appeal
JOAN Muir isn’t the only poor soul who has major issues with the tradition of sending and receiving gifts this time of year. Another reader gets in touch to tell us that every Christmas he asks his wife for one very particular present, and every year she gives him socks. “I must work on my pronunciation,” adds our reader with a frustrated sigh.
Killer punchline
A DAFT joke now from reader Martin Bruce, who says: “My doctor told me I only had five more days to live.” Before we can ask Martin why he is wasting valuable time contacting the Diary when he could be enjoying those precious final moments with his family, he adds: “So I killed my doctor. Now a judge has given me 20 years… result!”
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