Small beer
ON receiving an email from ScotRail regarding timetable changes, reader Alistair Moss was less than amused. “To help improve overall performance,” states the message, “the 16.33 from Glasgow Queen Street to Stirling service will have fewer carriages, meaning it will be busier than normal.” The Diary, like Alistair, is intrigued by this previously unknown definition of the word "improve". We look forward to it being adapted for use in other industries. The brewery trade, perhaps. Leading to the following sort of statement: “To help improve the overall enjoyment of your pint, we only filled half your glass with beer. Cheers!”
Let there be light
RADIO broadcaster and TV presenter Jenni Falconer has revealed she’s bidding farewell to the Heart Radio early morning shift, where for the last six years she’s kept listeners awake from 4 until 6.30am. The Diary admits it’s never experienced the world at this time of day, though we’re sure Jenni will miss much about her old routine, such as sharing the early morning bus to work with local vampires returning home from a night of feverish blood-sucking. But the real question is how will Jenni deal with having to interact with daylight once again? Having been raised in Glasgow, we imagine she isn’t that well acquainted with the shimmering rays of the sun…
Dissolving dosh
ANOTHER alternative acronym for SAGA, the company that organises holidays for the more mature traveller. Christine Brooks argues that surely it must stand for: Squander All the Grandchildren’s Assets.
Door to dismay
AS an apprentice electrician in the 1960s, reader Euan Kerr’s perky and youthful optimism took a dent when he was told that when one door shuts, another two slam in your face. A depressing state of affairs, if true. Though it could be worse. The door you really have to dodge is the one that slams in your fingers. (Ouch.)
Loki still lefty?
THE Diary is curious to know if the hyperventilating political discourse on social media is abating after the election. For answer, we note that Darren McGarvey (the rapper and social commentator who goes by the stage name Loki) is still very excitable on Twitter, where he writes: “Comrades, I know how hard it can be to change your mind. To confront a difficult truth. Believe me, I understand…” So has Darren shifted his allegiance from agitating for left wing causes to adoring Boris? Not quite. “I always thought Michael Bublé was a p***k,” he explains. “Then I saw him on Graham Norton and he was so nice. It was difficult to accept.”
Button down
TO prove that political fervour has indeed died down, comedian Paul McDaniel says: “Now the election’s over, please tell me. Why is the chocolate in chocolate coins always so sh*t?” Normal service, it seems, has been resumed.
Read more: Dali’s Christ of St John of the Cross, 1961 and 2006
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here