Fake boo-hoos

OUR ‘oh aye?’ award for the week’s iffiest statement goes to the MSP who poured their heart out over election losers. “I want to congratulate successful candidates from all parties and commiserate with the unsuccessful candidates,” they told Holyrood. “As somebody who stood unsuccessfully in two Westminster general elections, I have a good understanding of how they will feel.” Eyebrows soared skywards at that one. The tear-stained speaker was one Nicola Sturgeon, she of the frenzied East Dunbartonshire war dance at the defeat of Jo Swinson.

High brow

TALKING of eyebrows, the most expressive pair in politics belong to the SNP’s Alyn Smith. The former MEP and passionate Remainer is now in the Commons having won Stirling at the election. His maiden speech yesterday was widely praised, even by hardcore Leavers. As Brexit Secretary Steve Barclay said from the despatch box: “He spoke powerfully of his opposition to Brexit, albeit by leaving an EU institution to come here, he has started his own Brexit.” The famous Smith caterpillars couldn’t help but ripple with delight.

Mince cries

SCANT festive spirit at Bute House this week after the cancellation of the First Minister’s traditional Christmas drinks bash for the media. When thirsty hacks asked her official spokesman about the tragedy, they were told it was meant to be December 12, but was scrapped because of the election that day. As the election was triggered on October 29, this explanation was not universally persuasive. “I dunno about Indyref2, but she’s got no mandate for this,” muttered one parched scribbler.

Repeat after me

THE FM’s official spokesman also had an inventive way of rebutting an eve-of-election tabloid story that his boss was downplaying Indyref2 as it was a vote loser. After insisting this was untrue, he added: “Independence, independence, independence, independence, independence, independence, independence, independence, independence.” A bit vague, but we got the gist.

On the nod

THE SNP was in a tizz over Boris Johnson putting two ex-Tory MPs into the Lords to serve in his cabinet on Monday. These “unelected Tories” were proof of a “disdain for democracy,” fulminated a Nat press release. Two days later, the party trumpeted MPs Ian Blackford and Kirsty Blackman being “re-elected” as the SNP leader and deputy at Westminster respectively. It then turned out both had been unopposed and there had been no election at all. It’s almost as if they were - what’s that word again - unelected?

Cough up

WE also see Mr Blackford is giving up the chair of telecom firm Commsworld Plc after it was sold this week in a deal expected to bag him over £1m. We look forward to reading exactly how much in his Register of Interests. The self-styled “humble crofter’’ won’t be short of peats this winter.

Hatter together

THE Scottish Tory press office at Holyrood finds itself with a surfeit of Santa hats after a photocall they were meant to be used in fell flat. But surely everyone wants a Santa hat, you say. Ah, but these ones bear the un-festive greeting “No to Indyref2”. Unspun hears at least one piece of the limited-appeal headgear did find a new home this week, however - dangling from a fuddled Labour MSP in a late night boozer off the Royal Mile. A Merry Xmas to you too.