Cat’s pyjamas (not)

CATS the movie isn’t getting much love from critics or audiences. Having struggled through a screening, actor John Gordon Sinclair is of the same opinion. “If you’re a cat owner, or know someone with cats, you might find it more entertaining to grab a bucket of popcorn, pull up a chair and stare at the litter tray for 102 minutes,” he winces.

Feeling foxy

COATBRIDGE-RAISED comic book scribe Mark Millar has been learning about the complexities of love in the modern world. “The number of women who have told me recently that their first crush was the cartoon fox in Disney's Robin Hood is fascinating,” he says. “Is this a thing?” The Diary is intrigued to hear of such amorous inclinations. We’re now curious to know if they’re only directed towards anthropomorphic foxes of the Disney variety. Or is Basil Brush also an object of unbridled lust? (And if so, should his catch phrase be Va-va-voom, Va-va-voom, instead of Boom, Boom?)

Food for thought

ENJOYING lunch recently at his daughter’s house, Bob Jamieson was discussing the plight of the homeless. Bob’s granddaughters seemed very interested in the topic, so our man tried to explain what was being done to help those in greatest need. At which point Matilda, the youngest, said: “And are there still beggars left?” Amazed at such concern from a seven-year-old, Bob explained how certain organisations were trying to alleviate poverty. “No, Grandad,” corrected Matilda. “Are there still burgers left?”

“Her concern was more about her stomach than the plight of the less well-off,” sighs Bob.

Brought to book

WE do love a quirky book title here in Diary corner, so we’re grateful to crime writer Liam McIlvanney for spotting a volume titled Triumph by Greg Broadmore. Which doesn’t sound particularly thrilling, though it’s the subtitle that really snags the imagination. Unnecessarily Violent Tales of Science Adventure for the Simple and Unfortunate, it boldly proclaims. “I’m sure there’s a book with a better subtitle,” grins Liam. “But I just can’t think of it.”

Price is right?

THE Diary is always happy to come to the aid of those in need of consumer advice, which is no doubt why Gerry McCulloch from Saltcoats gets in touch to tell us he’s been offered eight legs of venison costing £50. “Is that too deer?” he adds.

In the drink

ANOTHER question from a reader anxious for enlightenment. Russell Smith from Kilbirnie asks: “For a brief period during the festive celebrations, is it permissible to comment that a bottle in front of me is better than a frontal lobotomy?” The Diary would love to provide Russell with an answer, unfortunately we’re too busy chugging down some liquid refreshment of our own to come up with anything definitive. (Don’t be too concerned. It’s only liquid from the tap we’re knocking back. The tap of a whisky bottle.)

Read more: Festive lights in George Square, 1962 and 1964