Tanked out

GARY: Tank Commander star Greg McHugh has received plaudits for his comedy turn in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs at the SSE Hydro. But it seems that appearing every evening in panto is a puff and a pant too much for the poor performer. Late at night, and weary from another sold-out show, Greg reports with a yawn: “I wouldn’t say I’m overly emotional and tired, but I just said: ‘The TV is too loud!’ and I’m staying in a flat on my own. I really have to go to bed…”

Fishy story

AS the UK braces itself to leave the European Union and reassert its destiny as an island cut off from a continent, Scotland finds itself becoming increasingly cosmopolitan and continental in nature. As proof, we provide a snippet of everyday life in that most Neapolitan of new towns... East Kilbride. Reader Bill Thomson was strolling through a supermarket in that neck of the woods when he overheard a harassed gran, struggling to supervise three grumbling little boys, snap at them in a no-nonsense manner: "No, I'm not buying you calamari today."


ANOTHER fond recollection of novelist, poet and painter Alasdair Gray, who sadly died a few days ago. Back in the bitterly cold January of 2002, when black ice was everywhere, the writer Bernard MacLaverty bumped into Alasdair and his wife Morag walking into the pub. Alasdair was carrying a sizeable rolled hearth-rug beneath his arm. “It’s to help Morag over the more difficult bits,” he told Bernard.

Teen talk

KIDS. They say the most adorable things. Actually, on second thoughts, they’re just cheeky wee scamps who should simmer down and let the smarty-pants adults do all the yakking. At least that’s what a buddy of BBC Scotland reporter David Cowan is probably thinking right now. “At breakfast today, my pal asked her 14-year-old daughter: ‘What are your highlights of the decade?’” explains David, who adds: “She replied: ‘That makes me cringe, and if you continue, I’m going to leave.’”

Honourable fella

OUR challenge to come up with new acronyms for SAGA, the travel company for pensionable passport holders, continues. Once again we come across a reader who says the letters should have nothing to do with the holiday industry. Russell Smith tells us that having been overlooked in the New Year Honours List (again!) he has decided to award himself the post-nominal title SAGA, which stands for Sensitive – Amiable – Generous – Angelic.

Man oh man

WE conclude with a joke from reader Sue Taylor. She hopes it will be enjoyed by the Diary’s feminist readers. (And perhaps a few unreconstructed gents of the old school variety will partake of a hearty guffaw, too.) “Where does a mansplainer get his water?” asks Sue. The answer, she says, is of course: “From a well, actually.”