Green day
FASHION designer Stella McCartney recently praised Joaquin Phoenix for his bold and heroic decision to save the planet single-handedly by wearing the same tuxedo for the entirety of the Hollywood awards season. Apparently this is an environmentally friendly action, as it will reduce conspicuous waste and help dispel the Used Tuxedo Mountain that has risen up in Los Angeles, spoiling the beach view for many actors. Sports broadcaster Jim Spence is also impressed by Joaquin’s messiah-like display of selflessness. “In an act of solidarity I intend to wear my boxers without changing them for the next month,” he says.
Sign or silly?
THE wind has been having a square go at Scotland over the past few days, though reader Penny Russell tells us that, unlikely as it seems, she has spotted the first sign that we’ve leapfrogged spring and tumbled headfirst into summer. “On the train into Glasgow I spotted a fellow passenger wearing sandals and no socks,” she explains. We regret having to disabuse a reader of the optimistic belief that winter is on the wane. But just as one swallow does not make a summer, we regretfully conclude that a pair of sandals is merely the sign of a very silly fellow.
Fried chicken
BROWSING her copy of the Courier newspaper, Jane Ann Liston came across a grim tale of a poultry shed fire in Fife, where many chickens had died in the blaze. The article concluded in a rather unfortunate manner, with a police statement saying: “There did not appear to be any foul play involved”. We imagine there won’t be any foul play for some time, with fouls in mourning being more appropriate.
Naughty but nice
AUTHOR Deedee Cuddihy, whose books include the volume The Wee Guide to Porridge, was pleased with the recent announcement that a new diet recommending a daily bowl of porridge was to be trialled in Scotland. When it transpired that the diet had been devised to curb a nationwide diabetes epidemic, she came to the conclusion that the Irn-Bru porridge with a tablet topping recipe she’d created especially for her book would not be appropriate. “Although it is yummy,” she informs us.
Scot or not?
WATCHING Netflix show The Witcher, Edinburgh comedian Gareth Waugh was appalled by the dodgy accent of a character meant to be Scottish. So he researched where the actor really came from. “Turns out he was from Scotland,” says a startled Gareth.
Water silly idea
WE live in an era of gender fluidity and a proliferation of personal pronouns, which can be confusing. Reader Vernon Perry tell us no such uncertainty exists in the insect world. “You can tell an ant’s gender by dropping it into a glass of water,” he informs us in an authoritative, lab-coat wearing sort of way. “If it sinks, it’s a girl ant. If it floats… buoyant.”
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