Numbers game

The recently announced sale of Babbity Bowster made reader Ian Watson realise how much he’d miss the genial wit and charm of Fraser Laurie, the owner of Glasgow's Merchant City pub. When Ian popped in a few months ago, Fraser was serving, and engaged in his customary chat with a group of visitors to the city. The conversation strayed onto the topic of football, prompting one of the group to ask the landlord which team he supported. Emphasising his non-sectarian position on this delicate matter, Fraser said he tended to favour Celtic a bit more than Rangers.

His till clearly had a sense of humour, because when the machine added up the drinks total, it arrived at a figure those on both sides of Glasgow’s footballing divide would recognise, either with a grimace or a grin… £16.90.

House party

FALKIRK raised indy rocker Aidan Moffat was working at his desk when his six-year-old daughter exploded into the room wearing a black sequinned party dress and her favourite shoes. Dropping a mysterious envelope in dad’s lap, she said: "You can come if you want to," then swished out the room.

The note turned out to be an official invitation to attend a disco in the kitchen.

“I went in for a quick dance obviously,” says Aidan.

A nap hand

LEGAL conundrum of the day comes from reader Robert Kent. “If a child refuses to go to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?” he asks.

Tara the noo?

WE continue in our campaign to devise marketable movie concepts based on Scottish topics. We previously suggested a Gone with the Wind reboot. Ian McLaren has arrived at a variation on this theme. He suggests the flick should be called Awa Wi the Bawbag, and it would, of course, end with the immortal lines: “Ramorra is anither morra.”

Well reared

FUMBLED phrases continued. An acquaintance of reader Tom McLean is ever so refined. Attempting a certain delicacy in her use of language, she once remarked of an acquaintance: "Oh, her? She doesn't know her arse from her you-know-what."

Mind your language

PERHAPS Tom McLean’s pal could have followed the inspiring example of River City actor Scott Fletcher, who is mature enough to realise that fruity language is a no-no, especially when you’re around impressionable youngsters.

He certainly doesn’t say “**&$!” when his kids are in the vicinity. (He even refuses to use the much less abrasive: “**%££@.”)

So how does Scott give vent to his inner frustrations and simmering rage at such times?

“I’ve been gaun for ‘Jeezy Peeps’ in front of the weans,” he reveals.

The love equation

BOASTING that he can combine the previously unconnected disciplines of mathematics and amore, David Fowler from Grangemouth tells us that relationships are a lot like algebra. “After all,” he says, “have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?”

Read more: Referendum rally in George Square, 1992