THE target was set. The bullseye seemed unmissable. And the ammunition had been helpfully locked and loaded by the scorned former COP26 President Claire Perry O’Neill.
But since the election Jezza’s heart just doesn’t seem to have been in PMQs; he’s cut a rather forlorn figure. The body’s turned up but the mind has been elsewhere; as an Arsenal fan, at the Emirates Stadium perhaps?
So, as the blonde Beatle sat across the Commons dispatch box, the chief comrade tried his defeated best to punt the ball into the PM’s net.
Quoting the miffed ex-minister, that Bozza had shown a “huge lack of leadership and engagement” on climate change, the hairy Leftie sarcastically asked: “What on earth did she mean?”
The PM reacted by verbally hitting Jezza about the head, declaring: “We are delivering for the people of this country. We are reducing greenhouse gases. All he would produce, I am afraid, is a load of hot air.” The Tory berserkers cheered.
The head Red hit back, and noting how Cameron and Hague had turned Boris down to replace O’Neill, said: “It might be third time lucky if we make a joint approach to[another ex-leader Iain Duncan Smith]; perhaps he would like to take on that job.” IDS shook his head vigorously.
Declaring Jezza’s barbs as “beyond satire,” the Old Etonian insisted Britain would witness a “wonderful summit in Glasgow, one of the most fantastic cities in our country”. Remember, Bozza had considered switching COP26 from Glasgow to London – allegedly.
The chief comrade continued to fire the O’Neill ammunition, noting how promised people and money for COP26 had not materialised. “What on earth could she have been talking about?” quipped Jezza.
Bozza frowned, noting: “As so often, I am not entirely sure what he is talking about.”
The Labour chief quoted O’Neill again and suggested it was no surprise, given the COP26 shambles, the PM was shutting out journalists from No 10 briefings.
This prompted the top Tory to cry passionately: “I am a journalist; I love journalism!” Jaws in the press gallery above could be heard hitting the floor.
Next up was the SNP's Bagpuss, Ian Blackford, who, given Jezza had used up all the pre-loaded ammunition on COP26, had to find another line of attack and suggested in banning the Press from No 10 and taking an isolationist approach to trade the PM was “trying to impersonate Donald Trump”. Nationalist heads nodded their agreement.
Boris puffed out his chest and jumped up, insisting he was taking the “most passionate internationalist, globalist, open, outward-looking approach” possible to life beyond Brexit.
“There is only one party in this country that has ‘Nationalist’ in its name,” he snapped. “That’s them!”
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