A bridge too far?

MESSAGING the Diary all the way from Hong Kong, Rob Shorthouse wants to know if the proposed new bridge linking Scotland and Northern Ireland has been given a name yet. “If not, may I start the ball rolling with the Ulster Fryover?” says our man, who adds that he is willing to jet home for the naming ceremony.

So is Rob’s bridge name a perfect fit? Or is he talking Hong Kong Phooey? No doubt there are many readers out there with rival ideas…

A blowhard

AND while we’re playing name games… The Diary has also been working on suitably majestic monikers for the tempest that has been rampaging through Scotland this week. (At this rate we’ll have to call ourselves the Dictionary instead of the Diary.) Russell Smith from Kilbirnie points out that the storm is certainly a “force of nature” and it’s “unpredictable, prone to blowing hot and cold, and potentially disastrous”.

Meaning that Russell’s chosen name for the wet and wild wind walloping our poor benighted nation is rather obvious, really.

It’s Storm Boris, of course.

Facing bad weather

WE should probably point out that Storm Boris is also pulverising those parts of the UK the Diary calls Not-Scotland. (Colleagues who come from the Not-Scotland part of the country inform us that those locations are sometimes called England, Wales and Northern Ireland.)

Those far off places are also suffering from extreme weather conditions, as is noted by ABC foreign correspondent Julia Macfarlane, who finds herself in London, though her roots are in Not Not-Scotland. (Or Scotland, as it’s sometimes known.)

“I’m not usually one for conspiracy theories,” says our gal down South. “But no matter what direction I’m walking in, the wind and rain are always smacking me directly in the face.”

Pie puzzle

SHAKESPEARE may have been a moderately talented fella. But in all his years scribbling plays, he never once produced a classic tragedy or comedy based around a kitchen appliance. Which is why the Diary dubs itself far more brill’ than Will, because we’ve been running such tales for a while now. Today we even offer up a genuine puzzler from reader Archie Wohlgemuth, who says: “One of the great culinary conundrums of our time surely must be: is it possible to cook a Killie pie in an Ayr fryer?”

Here puns the sun

PUN peddling Drumchapel comedian Iain MacDonald explains that he spent all of last night wondering whether he should stay awake until the sun came up. “Then it dawned on me,” he adds.


DECIDING on a winter break, reader Arnold Rose has found himself enjoying the pleasures of Rome for the last two weeks. “I’m trying to leave now,” he says. “Unfortunately it’s proving tricky. All the roads have this weird design flaw…”

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