WHAT better way to bury bad news than to distract the populace with thoughts of a copulating Boris Johnson. As we all run screaming from the horrifying images in our mind’s eye we can be comforted by at least knowing where the Prime Minister has been for the past few months.

Between flooding, Brexit and the growing number of coronavirus cases, the UK remains under a cloud of gloom.

Presumably Johnson and his new fiancée Carrie Symonds thought it might jolly us along to learn of their impending parenthood – together, that is, given Johnson already has an incalculable number of offspring – and forthcoming nuptials.

These nuptials, dependent as they are on Johnson’s current wife signing the decree absolute, were only coincidentally announced on the same day as the bombastic resignation of civil servant Sir Philip Rutnam.

While this wasn’t the return of labour to Downing Street we had hoped for, the baby news did manage to skew the news agenda.

Speculation about the location of conception of the baby mounted, so to speak. Should the Johnson-Symonds follow the naming traditions of the Beckhams, this child may be called Balmoral or Party-Conference.

Madame Tussauds moved quickly to add a baby sling to the Boris Johnson waxwork.

Lads, can we not treat this as a nice little lark, please? Our government is in the grip of a moronavirus. When questioned yesterday, the leader of the House of Commons suggested people might like to sing the national anthem while washing their hands in order to ward off the spreading virus.

Presumably Jacob Rees-Mogg intends to suggest that the anthem will provide an adequate hand wash duration and not that God Save the Queen will kill germs with its patriotic power but, frankly, God only knows with this mob.

Just be alert to singing too robustly in a public lavatory least people rise from their seats, creating a whole new public health emergency.

Back to Boris, and the due date of his newest sprog is believed to be June, coinciding with the G7 summit at Camp David, Maryland. This also clashes with the Commonwealth heads of government meeting in Rwanda and a high-level Brexit summit before a European Council meeting in Brussels.

As Jeremy Corbyn has already referred to him, he is a part-time prime minister. “Where’s Boris?” ran the refrain as flooding victims wondered why the leader of the country had not been to visit them. He would, unsurprisingly, not cut short his holidays. You might think Johnson is the ideal man in charge during a viral outbreak, given how skilled he is at washing his hands, yet do we really feel confident that he can lead the country during a health emergency?

Johnson is said to be the first serving prime minister since the Duke of Grafton in 1769 to be divorced. He will be the first prime minister to marry in office for 250 years.

These are not impressive milestones. He is a married man who impregnated his mistress. He is about to have a child, while seemingly expressing little interest in those he has already, with a woman four years older than his oldest daughter.

What on earth should we expect from the wedding of Bozzie Bear and Little Otter? His first, to Allegra Mostyn-Owen, was described as a “cross between La Dolce Vita and Brideshead Revisited”, an event to which Johnson forgot to wear either trousers or shoes. His second wedding came just days after the legal ending of his first.

All his marriages feature overlap and the previous two were marked by affairs. Few politicians can get away with such behaviour - Donald Trump is another - and why?

It is because this is the one point on which he is honest. He is an immoral, hypocritical cad and has never pretended to be anything other.

How particularly galling that decent, solid female politicians struggle to balance political life and children  – think of MSP Gail Ross leaving her Caithness, Sutherland and Ross constituency before her full talents have been seen – while these mediocre males potter about in office without having to give the issue a second thought.

Ms Symonds seems like a relatively modern young woman. Perhaps she’ll insist on him taking his portion of shared parental leave.

The “happy” part of this happy announcement would be that Johnson job shares, preferably with someone actually competent and committed to doing the job.