PICTURE the scene. You’ve been single for 10 long years, and your New Year resolution was to finally get yourself on that dating app, upload a few tasty pics and find the perfect soulmate. By, oh, say, the 24th of January you’re having that first coffee meeting, and by the following week you’ve graduated to lunch where small talk includes, “have you heard about what’s happening in China with that virus?”
The following weekend you find yourself being rushed alone into a taxi of shame by your new potential love interest after having over-indulged in the Cosmopolitans, after a night out, clubbing. You are worried that the Cosmos might have put him/her off but, by a marvellous stroke of luck, the following weekend is Valentine's weekend, and love is well and truly in the air. Your dodgy behaviour is forgotten amidst cards, heart-shaped chocolates and flowers. There might even have been a kiss….or two.
A month after that first meeting you are going for windswept walks up hills, and enjoying long, lingering romantic meals, as you gradually get to know your new squeeze. Ah sweet, romantic bliss.
Cut to six short weeks later and lovely beau is screaming down the phone: “Are you in or out? Are you self isolating with me or not? Decide NOW, before they start fining us for a bit of nookie!”
This is the sweaty-palm inducing choice facing a few friends in relatively new relationships. In fact, so important is this issue that the deputy chief medical officer for England, Jennifer Harries, mentioned it in a Government press briefing on Tuesday this week. She said couples living separately should stay separate or “test the strength of their relationship and move in together” and that this would be “for quite a significant period going forward”.
Significant period? How long are we talking? A few weeks, a few months, longer? I mean, in a few weeks, as certain ‘unknowns’ become ‘known’, you might want to gather those heart-shaped chocolates and flowers, and run for the hills. (Staying socially distant at all times, of course). Your reasons for doing so might include your new partner’s snoring, slurping or sloppy-eating. In a few months you’re talking about skin or nose-picking, knuckle-cracking or indulging in well-dodgy un-PC humour. Any longer and you could be facing toenail clippings in the carpet, spot-squeezing and weeing in the shower. But, think carefully – you can’t leg it because you will be in danger of contaminating another household if you return home.
For some, it’s not worth the risk, and I know of at least two couples who’ve had a good look at one another and thought Covid-19 could well be the end of their fledgling relationships. “Let’s take things slowly,” overnight became “let’s do it ALL now”, and that was a step too far. They favoured the dating, the dressing up, the romance, the excitement of a new lover over the waking up two inches away from a face full of spots, and questionable morning breath, every day. They prefer their splendid isolation to a conscious coupling. I imagine that the 13% rise in demand for sex toys was these more cautious types thinking ahead to the need for “relief supplies”. I’m not sure anyone has told them that the wee rabbit thing doesn’t constitute an essential delivery, though.
For others the upside far outweighs the risk. I see Love Island’s Finley Tapp drove from Milton Keynes to West Lothian to self-isolate with his new girlfriend Paige Turley as soon as Boris told us we were to stay put for the foreseeable, and a friend’s son slipped clandestinely out of their house after the broadcast, saying it would be ‘more fun’ at his girlfriend's. When I was aghast and upset on my friend’s behalf, my teenager replied flatly: “Eh, what 18-year-old guy wouldn’t want to self isolate at his hot 22-year-old girlfriend's, rather than his mum's?” But I know he’s still taking revenge for the fact I spray him with disinfectant whenever he comes in the house.
So lockdown love can clearly go one way or the other, but what it does do is shine a light on some big philosophical questions like who we are, what’s important to us, how we interact with those close to us and, most of all, where nookie stands in our list of priorities.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here