The cruellest cut

OUR resident historian David Donaldson recently unearthed a book containing interesting facts about Glasgow’s past. He discovered that in 1967 a local shop manager refused to withdraw from sale blood-red ties with a heraldic shield, on which were printed crossed swords and the gangland motto Ya Bass.

Would the wearing of such a tie help in a job interview, we wonder? No doubt it would put off many employers. Though to refuse such a devilishly well-dressed candidate would probably result in severe business cuts of the life-threatening variety.

Truly awe-some

THINKING about Scotland’s rich and varied language, a Milngavie reader was reminded of the couthie Highland tour driver. “Aye folks,” said this fellow. “If you care to take a wee shiftae oot the windaes to the right of the bus you’ll see the bewifull, truly bewifull, Loch Awe. Grand, eh?”

He then added with much fanfare: “Now when we get round this next wee bend, if any of you can be fashed to take a quick shiftae oot the left haun windaes, I guarantee, yes, I guarantee, y’ull awe see… F Awe.”

Cartoon capers

ACCORDING to Lynda Poole from Appin a survey was undertaken in the Middle East recently to ascertain the favourite cartoon characters of the locals. It transpired that people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones while those in Abu Dhabi do.

Amiable arachnid

AN unlikely story from Ken Parker from Cumbernauld who tells us his wife recently told him to take a spider out instead of killing him. 2So we went out,” says Ken. “Had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he’s a web designer.”

Note of discord

OUR item about Gaelic speakers' eccentric command of English reminds Bob Byiers of the lady travelling from Lewis to the mainland for a job interview. She’d asked the local minister to write her a reference and on the ferry decided to read what he’d written. Unfortunately the wind blew it overboard. She explained her predicament to the Gaelic speaking MacBrayne's captain who sympathetically wrote her a note which read: “This young lady had a character when she left Stornoway but she lost it on the way across the Minch."

Barking mad idea

WE continue to improve children’s books by giving them a Scottish slant. Gordon Fisher from Stewarton suggests: The Curious Incident of the Dug I Brought Home Last Night at Closing Time.

Toe-day’s silly gag

DAFT joke time. What do you call a man with a rubber toe, asks reader Wendy Glover. The answer is, of course: Roberto.

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