Dried up talent

THE Diary has always assumed songwriters get their ideas from doomed romantic relationships or similarly heartrending events. Roddy Frame finds that more mundane scenarios can also do the trick. The former Aztec Camera frontman recalls getting the initial inspiration for his song Back on Board from a tea towel he had hanging up.

We are left to ponder this question: Would Roddy have written fewer fab songs if he allowed his dishes to dry naturally?

(Re)boundless talent

A RECENT Diary golfing yarn reminds reader Brian Wheelan of an errant golf ball that hit a double decker motoring past his local course. The ball bounced off the bus and landed on the green, close to the hole. The ball’s striker boastfully claimed he’d used local knowledge to plan what he claimed was a spectacular trick shot.

When his flabbergasted friends asked how this could be the case, the smirking wag added that he had a scholar’s knowledge of the local bus timetable.

Bonkers about books

A FRIEND of reader Carol Michaels had a well-filled bookcase. Nothing unusual about that. However, all her books were shelved according to colour. “She said she couldn’t bear the idea of a green book next to a red one,” recalls Carol. “And if a book didn’t go with the room’s wallpaper, she gave it to Oxfam after reading it.”

Limited lingo

“I bought the world’s worst thesaurus,” says reader Mick Fischer. “Not only is it terrible. It’s terrible.”

Strained strumming

THE wife of Colin Pullman is less than delighted that her husband is teaching himself guitar. After listening to him strum for an hour she said: “Why don’t you learn one string first? Leave the other five for when you’ve got some idea what you’re doing.”

Vacuum sucks

IN a generous mood, Mary Gordon bought her mum a slick modern vacuum cleaner. Mum wasn’t impressed, claiming that although it cleaned the house a treat, the noise it made was not as pleasing as the dulcet tones of her trusty old vac. “She told me it was like hearing The Beatles all her life then being forced to listen to Bob Dylan,” says Mary.

Wood you believe it?

TIMES were tough when Paul Cortopassi from Bonnybridge was young. How tough? Well, he says he was made to walk the plank. “We couldn’t afford a dog,” he adds.

Coffee mug

WE end with a wodge of whimsy. Reader Henry Buchan tells us he visited the doctor recently complaining that he had a stabbing pain in his right eye whenever he drank coffee. “Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup?” asked the doctor.