Return to Real Kashmir FC****
BBC Scotland, 10pm
FERGUSON, Guardiola, Klopp, Benitez: pretty decent football managers you would agree. But which of them ever had to battle his way through packs of rabid wild dogs to research the opposition?
As this follow up to last year’s Scottish Bafta-winning documentary showed, Davie Robertson, the Scots coach of Real Kashmir FC, continued to live in interesting times. Sometimes a touch too interesting. “Everything that can go wrong goes wrong here,” said Robertson by way of an introduction to the region. It was hard to disagree.
On his arrival in India the government abolished Kashmir’s parliament and assumed direct control. It was like England taking Scotland’s parliament away, explained the former Rangers, Aberdeen, and Leeds United player.
Greg Clark’s film began with Robertson at home in Aberdeen, preparing to say cheerio to his wife, Kym, once more. He had mixed emotions about going, knowing how much he would miss home.
But he also missed being a part of the game he clearly loved. “I know if I didn’t have a job I wouldn’t be a happy person.”
Kym was told not to wave him off at the airport because it was “just too sad". So off he went.
A short time later we saw this gentle, sensitive soul having his team talk interrupted by two men making a delivery to the dressing room.
“What the **** is this?” roared Robertson. “Could this not be done before we ******* arrive? **** me. Put the ******* thing down and **** off.”
Yes, he had lost none of his world-class cussing skills. If all the expletives were deleted from his speech the only things left would be some pronouns and a couple of lonely verbs.
Having several sides to his character is what makes Robertson such a great subject for a documentary. He is part ruffian, part romantic; a hard man who is not afraid to hug a player going through a difficult time; a wee working class guy from Aberdeen who spends his time off exploring the mountains and visiting a Buddhist monastery (where he was overcome with emotion at the monks chanting). Not your average football manager, then.
He was funny, too, as when he told Kym about his day in the mountains where the altitude made him feel dreadful. “The worst day of my life,” he said, “and I’ve played at Albion Rovers.”
Real Kashmir FC was one of the new BBC Scotland channel’s biggest hits, and the sequel uses the same winning blend of matches and travelogue, with the story revolving around Robertson.
The drama can be over-played at times – everything seems to be a crunch this or a high-stakes that – and the film could have done with more background on how Robertson came to be there in the first place. A few in-depth conversations with club owner Sandeep Chatoo would not have gone amiss either.
Robertson is not the first Scot to find himself a stranger in a foreign land, as he saw for himself on a visit to the Scottish cemetery in Kolkata. He asked his guide how the local people got on with the Scots in colonial times.
“The Scottish ruled us, tortured us,” said the guide.
“Tortured?” said Robertson.
“Very much so.”
“Physical torture?”
“Physical torture.”
Every day is a school day, even for coaches.
There was not a lot of on the pitch action, largely because life was far more interesting off it, as when Robertson went to a dodgy part of town to use the internet during lockdown. That was where he met the marauding hounds. “There’s ******* 20 dogs waiting there, licking their lips,” he said, finally opting to go another way.
Occasionally, and despite having one of his sons playing in the team, being away from home got to him. Christmas Day was particularly hard.
But then as we learned from the postscript to this engaging film, Robertson and his team, like millions of others around the globe, were about to have their lives upended by what commentators might call a dramatic last minute own goal, this one from the left foot of Mother Nature.
Not even the mighty, and mighty likeable Robertson, could hustle his way out of that one.
Available on iPlayer
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