Out of order

SUPERMARKETS that do deliveries are a welcome addition to modern life. Though the practice has a downside. Rebecca Bowles gets her groceries dispatched to her house and knows the routine very well.

1) She’s thrilled to hear a knock on the door –the goodies have arrived.

2) She empties the bags and is horrified to discover half the stuff she ordered isn’t there. And the stuff she has been sent isn’t what she ordered.

3) She spends the week eating food she hates.

4) She makes another order. And crosses her fingers.

“Getting my shopping has become like life in general,” says Rebecca. “You dream. Your dreams are dashed. You dare to dream again.”

A cut above

HAIRDRESSERS have become like Zeus or Thor. Mythological creatures whose wondrous abilities are described with awe when tall tales are told round campfires.

Ian Johnstone from Peterhead isn’t concerned about the lack of professional snippety-snippers in his town, however. “My wife cut my hair,” he explains. “I suppose this isn’t so much lockdown as locksdown.”

Belt up

AN inspirational tale of overcoming adversity with pluck and determination from reader David Lawrence. “I couldn’t figure out seatbelts for a long time,” he explains. “Then it just clicked.”

Mind the gap

ANOTHER bookshelf tale. George Dale noticed an unbecoming recess in the hall panelling of his house. Trotting into a second-hand bookshop, he purchased a selection of old and respectable looking leather-bound volumes. George then made a faux wooden shelf to fill his hallway gap. Next, he sawed off the book spines and tossed away all the boring pages filled with words. The spines, however, he kept. They were slotted into the recess, making it appear as though George was in possession of a highfalutin bookshelf.

Perhaps this story explains why technological advances have never eradicated traditional bookshops.

Sawing the edge off an ebook is useless when you’re redecorating the hallway.

Number’s up

“I HANDED my dad his 50th birthday card,” says reader Scott Cronin, who adds: “Dad said one card would have been enough.”

Film flam

SOME more suggestions for movies aimed at a Gaelic audience from reader David Walker: For a Few Dollars Morar, Vanilla Skye and Forres Gump.

Bingo lingo

WE continue devising alternative bingo call-out rhymes for Prince William and Kate to try. Reader Julie Butler suggests when calling the number three, they should shout: “Number three, Grandpa Phil is un-PC.”

Fido fantastic

A MAN trains his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground, explains reader Sandy Tuckerman, who adds: “He went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour.”

Read more: Those were the days