Sun Byrne

WITH that shiny ball of fire in the sky doing its show-offy thing, comedian Ed Byrne decided to make use of the sunny weather by spending the night in his garden with the kids. The former Strathclyde Uni student says approvingly: “All the discomfort of camping without that pesky sense of adventure.”

Toasting the future

LIFE now runs at a more sedate pace for recently-retired Mark Cain. Our reader once juggled several tasks at once, with numerous trips abroad, interminable boardroom meetings and weekends spent developing and nurturing new contacts. “Yesterday’s business proposal involved toasting a slice of bread,” says Mark. “Which I completed without a hiccup. Thought I was so exhausted by my exertions that my wife had to jump in with the margarine, thus ensuring the project was completed to deadline.”

The cruellest cut

AS we’ve previously noted, there’s a better chance of spotting a dodo than coming across an active hairdresser. Which explains why Clyde DJ Ewen Cameron got himself in a spot of bother. While his wife walked the dog he got sassy with the scissors and gave his son a radical fringe. Contemplating his hasty hair-hacking actions, Ewen whimpers: “I’m now scared.”

The Diary’s advice is to lie. Ewen should explain to the missus that a wild dodo scrambled into the house brandishing a comb and clippers. The rest was inevitable.

Still rolling

OUR latest mission is to devise bold new advertising slogans for Scotland’s towns and cities. Reader Colin Williams suggests a certain new town built in the era of hippies and psychedelic rock should be promoted using the blurb: “Livingston! Twinned with Keith Richards. Because we’re the ultimate 60s survivor.”

Train of thought

THOUGHT for the day from reader Philip Carr: “If we covered locomotives in feathers, would birdwatchers and trainspotters be able to combine their efforts?”

Viral ad campaign

WE recently published an unlikely tale from a reader claiming to have been in a band named Missing Cat who were very successful in their fly-posting campaigns. In response, Robin Hardy from Langside boasts: “I was also in a popular group. You probably recall the promotional posters we pasted on glossy front doors. We were called Wet Paint.”

Net gain

TALKING to her grandson, Bessie Hill asked the teen about his ambitions. Would he like to work in the sciences or arts? Or perhaps enter one of the caring professions? “I want to complete Netflix,” was his answer.

Animal magic

STROLLING in the park, Mary Mitchell’s young daughter spotted her very first swan gliding across a lake. “Is that a cross between a giraffe and a duck?” she enquired.

Read more: Those were the days