Petrol rations
WITH life still being lived at a loafing and leisurely pace from home, Johnny Mac appears to be relishing the savings he can accrue. The comic performer says: “Just put £5 of petrol in my car, which by my calculations should do me until the next Olympics.”
Tasty trick
WE recently solved the problem of how to find a lost dog. You open the fridge and – voila! – the fuzzy fella’s standing behind you. George Dale from Beith informs us that a similar trick can be enacted using a cat. He says that by the simple action of opening a can, a pet feline will mysterious appear by your side.
For clarification, we should add that the trick doesn’t work with any old can. For some unfathomable reason it has to contain tuna to ensure the magical moggie materialises on cue.
What the Dickens?
THE Diary has a passion for books, and we are always grateful when readers enlighten us by reporting previously unknown facts about the great literary figures. Dominic Miller reveals that after much investigation he has discovered what Charles Dickens kept in his spice rack. “It was the best of thymes, it was the worst of thymes…”
Sticky problem
SHETLAND comedian and storyteller Marjolein Robertson will soon be able to add to the list of accomplishments on her impressive CV: cordon bleu chef. She certainly employs a sophisticated method of cooking spaghetti, involving chucking a strand at the wall. If it sticks, then it’s boiled to perfection, apparently.
Unfortunately the technique still requires nuancing.
“It’s never ready,” reveals Marjolein, with a sigh: “But what I have learned is I have very sticky walls.”
Solved at last
ONCE more the Diary dares to tackle the Big Questions avoided by more timorous journalists. “I’ve ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon,” reveals reader Dorothy McCourt, who adds: “Don’t worry. I’ll let you know.”
Casanova Casa-no-way
THE dating game can be nerve-wracking for a young fellow with little experience. When reader Sheila Murphy’s teenage son told her he was trepidatious about asking out a girl she advised him: “Just be yourself. And be confident.”
The frustrated chap responded: “Make up your mind, mum. Which one is it?”
Wonderfully wet
OUR mission to devise advertising slogans for Scotland’s towns and cities continues. Glaswegian Ben Fleming has the perfect blurb to promote his home town. He suggests: “Don’t worry about the rain. We have plenty of umbrella shops.”
Mr and Miss out
GLOOMY gag time. “Why don’t couples go to the gym more often?” asks reader William Strachan. He then explains (perhaps a tad cynically) that it’s because relationships seldom work out.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here